Boho Girl

In this moment. Breath. Light. Spirit. (Be)ing.

Sometimes. Most times, this is all we need to do.

{aubrey from utah…this is for you}

The sun is beginning to break through our gray skies. Sometimes even for a whole day and the blossoms crave it wildly. They stretch their pedals wider and faster than I have ever seen. Growing up a California girl (living in both Northern and Southern), the Sun was always out to play but here in the Pacific Northwest, its so precious and flora grows at a speed that is so foreign to me. One day there will be a fully green bush, the next day it will be covered in blossoms. Its awe inspiring to witness.

Flowers are making their way into my home by way of sweet children these days. The neighborhood girls had a flower stand the other day with fresh cut branches and flowers around their home placed in vases to sell on a table in front of their house. It was the sweetest sight and two of them came to my door with a bouquet that Boho Boy had bought for me. Cedar has learned his daddy’s romantic ways. Most every time he goes outside to play he runs inside “Mommy, this is for you…” with a handful of cherry blossoms scrunched in his palm or dandelions and sometimes rocks, leaves and rose pedals. When he goes down to our bay, he fills his pockets with shells and sea glass and feathers. We have a woven tray to keep his treasures (photo above) and I’ve been inspired to create beauty in our home from them.

My boys and I are blossoming in this home and for quite some time I’ve not allowed myself to believe that these yellow gables and lush land could be ours. My twenties and thirties were full of so much uprooting that I didn’t even consciously realize how used to being unattached to people and things I became. I knew I’d be leaving soon or at least I felt so much a gypsy that if leaving wasn’t in the plans I knew it would be. I giggle as I write this because it makes me think of the film Chocolat. I resonate with Vianne in many ways. I think this is why online connections felt safer for me. For many reasons but one important one being I could stay connected regardless where I lived. I have lived here in Bellingham for almost two years and I am just now it seems allowing myself to sink in some roots. We just recently made a decision that we would love to purchase this home and because both my husband and I are gypsies, it took us almost losing it to come to that decision. We didn’t consciously realize we were not fully rooting until the possibility to root ourselves was swept under are feet.

I was standing out front of our house in the middle of the street last night with some neighbors who are becoming quite close friends of ours. We were out there, huddled close with our children getting soaked by the rain (unexpectedly) and my heart felt so full. I hadn’t realized I was keeping my friend at arms length. She lives next door and is a dream and yet I was afraid to get too close. She’s been very patient with my heart.

beautiful charity and us following our children on a forest path up the street

Now that we are staying, I feel all of this release…in so many ways, this openness and yearning to give of myself (and receive) to that which surrounds me, both in and around my home and with those souls that dwell here. None of this even felt conscious until we decided to root ourselves in this home. Its almost as if a veil has lifted.

With our landlord living next door, I haven’t felt the freedom to make this land my own and have not done much to it yet. But now that we will purchase this home, we are so inspired with ideas. I haven’t gardened much (aside from planting lavender in the ground last year at the blue house). Up until now I have only planted in pots. I have so much to learn! But our dream is to plant a veggie garden, herb garden and arbors with ivy and flowers growing up and around it. I am not one to be attracted to manicured pieces of land. I love the wild and overgrown yet a lot of tender care. Our landlord said for years she has wanted to impart her wisdom onto someone and I told her I am her gal.

If any of you are familiar with this climate and have wisdom to offer about gardening, I am all ears (and heart).

Mmmmm…h(OM)e sweet h(OMe). Is this really happening?

us en route to vancouver. someone is a wee excited!

The eve of Good Friday, my boys and I were curled up by the fire and Cedar shared with us that he was ready to get his hair cut. I could hear the readiness in his voice. He has talked about it before only to be followed with a fierce “no!” once he realized a part of him would be gone. We’ve been gentle about it with him. We know that transitions of any kind are especially hard on his spirit. So many times he has referred to his curls as “pets” and made it clear often how much he cherished them. I intuited they offered him safeness (and sameness). Of course I cherished his locks too, as did anyone that spent time with him. Although they were now down to his bum and on their way to dreadlocks and constantly up in buns or ponies. So we understood that he was ready for soft and new, just like I was last year. So harmonious with our honoring the New Life that Easter brings.

We told him that we will revisit it again in the morning to see if it still feels right to him and if it did, we would make an appointment that day.

Morning came and he crawled into my bed. While we were snuggling, he looked in my eyes and whispered…“Hair cut. I’m ready.” My heart both leapt and sunk at once. This was truly the day. The day to let go of those gorgeous untouched baby curls!

A few months ago we stumbled upon a really cool children’s salon called The Hair Loft. Its sits on the top floor of the Kids Market on Granville Island in Vancouver, BC. Inside there are chairs in the shape of cars and trains as cartoon characters (Thomas the Train, Lightening McQueen, Dora the Explorer, etc) and there are televisions inside the walls playing animated films or shows. I called them Saturday morning and they had an opening at 4pm! Off to Vancouver we went for the day…

I was so in awe of his bravery. Cedar is very particular about who he allows to touch him. He is very sensitive to peoples energies and of course to any kind of caress. Especially with his hair. I wondered if when the stylist started working her magic on his hair, if he would melt down and we would turn around and go home but quite the contrary, he was just so determined!

Out of all the cars available to sit in, he chose the one that wasn’t a cartoon character at all but a beautiful vintage convertible. He’s so my boy!! ; )

He asked the stylist if his daddy could brush his hair first. I was proud that rather than push her away or start screaming, he asked for what he needed. This has been a huge shift in our world for him and for us after a few months of occupational therapy and us working with him to take deep breaths and find his words so we know what he needs.

The stylist cut off his curls in one swoop, handed it to me and I put those locks in a special box I found at an antique store years ago near my parents home. My sister said she wanted me to save her a lock and I want one too.

I’m giggling as I am writing all of this about his hair but THAT is how much me and my family have cherished it and Cedar has too. Its just been such a huge part of him and that is why shedding it was such a good practice. For him, for us. It felt like a very similar emotional and spiritual process when I got my dreadlocks and then again when I cut them and combed them out. New life. New Beginnings…

So many mothers have shared with me that they have cried when their child got their first hair cut and watched their baby curls fall to the floor. And goodness I cry just about every day because I am such an emotional being. But I stood back and felt his bravery and stepped into it, for me, for him…and it became such a celebration!

The last few days we’ve been gazing at him. Our boy now truly looks so grown and he feels it too and dare I say its even brought on a bit of sass in his ways. ; )

He said he wanted to look like one of the guys from the band the Beatles (his favorite band) I think the stylist pulled it off with a bit of a modern twist.

Here he is the morning after on Easter. He woke up and immediately put on his boots and sweater to go fetch the eggs the Easter Bunny hid the night before. At the end of the egg trail was a basket full of gifts. We had painted the eggs with natural dye as soon as we got home from Vancouver. It was such a glorious morning…

The other day I laid on my bed laughing at myself with a friend. Laughter that came from my deepest places. Laughter that moved around the parts that felt stuck . I had just been extremely vulnerable with her and in my vulnerable, I knew I was taking a risk sharing these parts of myself that are achy and dark, hurty and insecure, uncertain and fumbly. My vulnerable was witnessed by her, fully witnessed and yet, I was still so very loved and seen, really seen, understood and even celebrated. In her witnessing, I somehow was able to fully witness myself. And in that moment, a sweet release of laughter came forth.

I’ve been so protective the last few years. In my cocoon, healing the raw…inviting few into my world. I needed to do this. It was not easy and quite foreign for me but somehow it felt good in my bones to be this protective of myself, of what surrounded me in the physical. I gave so much light for so long and it was time for me to surrender to the dark that was left and rest alone in it. The cozy womb of safety and ease, simple and hushed. Man, so much was revealed to me about myself while in this sacred womb. And now, is the laboring of birthing myself again…the core of me. I am surfacing gently, slowly…moving towards those spaces where I can be seen. I know its time…time for me to enter back into the uncomfortable bits of opening myself up again. It’s freeing along side stilling along side extremely raw. Stilling in that I feel so much that was once in my life has moved on from me…up and out, beyond my grasp and that is when I realize, the grasping is what needed to cease and the surrender of Trust is what needs to be present for me.

My laughter, head down on my bed, rolling to my back, stopping, breathing and laughing again was me recognizing how much my ego was finding its way through what I was sharing with her and it is my ego that I have practiced letting go of the past few years. How quickly it returns when you’re wanting so badly to fit back into a space you once were and prove to those around you that you are worthy enough to be there. But oh my dear heart…when I let go of my ego, I don’t need to belong anywhere really but h(OM)e within myself. Exactly where I am and who I am in that moment.

You see…I am writing an e-course with a dear friend and we hope to launch it by this Summer and this…this has brought me so much life because I/we have lived so deeply in what we want to put out into the world. We are still in it and it feels huge to invite others into this for me. I’ve been so protective and quiet, so to be seen again in this way…its vulnerable and frightening and yet heart stirring and life bringing to walk into this unknown.

I’m different than I was. I’m truer to myself and those around me. I’ve been deeply humbled. And the best most yummiest part is that I laugh at myself more often. Whole heartedly belly laugh at myself.

The words of my friend…

She poured out her self, abandoned her ego, and laughed. Again and again, head down, healing poured through her, and light flowed. She knew herself, knew her Love, and spread it down the bed, across the mountains, and through the portal of sisterhood, into my lap.

Mmmmm…yes.

Shortly after I moved to Washington, I hired Stephanie as my holistic health coach and we had an immediate kindred connection. She has been such an amazing support to me in my life over the past few years, that I wanted to spread the love and support her latest yummy adventure and share it with all of you. I’m so excited to take this e-course!

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Hello Lovelies!

I’m Stephanie, a certified holistic health and lifestyle coach and one half of the team Feathering the Nest, a new e-course I developed with the lovely Leah Kent of Skill It. Leah and I both have backgrounds in the arts as well as plenty of hours logged in the kitchen developing recipes for our clients. We were drawn together by our shared passion for making our homes into nuturing soul spaces. We think the things you choose to surround yourself with have a profound affect on your mind and body. We want your home to not only reflect the beauty inside of you, but nourish and give back to you, in a way that will transform how you move into each day.

Feathering the Nest will be an eclectic two week journey through your home, a sensual path to self discovery. We will be creating beautiful things for our homes with our own hands, getting cozy with really fun and intuitive writing exercises and cooking up some delicious recipes. You’ll also receive beautiful printables to use over and over as you explore your nesting style. We are going beyond just aesthetics and finding our own unique path by tapping into feng shui, numerology and chakra wisdom. You’ll gain entrance into a sacred online space to share your experience, pictures and inspirations with kindred souls.

Whether you space is large or small, rented or owned, we think you are going to love learning how to infuse each corner with your essence to create a sanctuary for you and all who inhabit it. To learn even more, visit us over here at the class site!

Today we are excited to announce that we are giving away a chance to win ONE seat in the class to one of you (a $59 value)!

There are three options to enter the GIVE-away:

• Leave a comment here on Denise’s blog, telling us what room needs some loving in your house
• Tweet about the give-away using hash-tag #featheringthenest and come back here to tell us
• Post on Facebook about the giveaway and come back here to tell us

You may absolutely do more than one of these options for a second or third chance to win the seat. Winner will be chosen at random the evening of Thursday, March 28th. They will be sent an email with details immediately.

There is more! As a special thank you to each reader of Denise’s poetry, we are honored to offer a 15% discount on the class. Please use the code: BOHOGIRL at checkout to receive your discount!!

Stephanie Perkinson

Instagram: StephPerkinson
Twitter: StephPerkinson
Facebook: Wellness by Design – with Stephanie Perkinson

Leah (Cherry) Kent

Twitter: Skillitchef
Facebook: Skill It

{The winner is Bea…congrats! You will be contacted shortly}

I’ve been reveling in touch lately.

A few weeks ago my naturopath asked me to lay down and her hands made their way to my belly. I laid there with my eyes close surrendering to her touch, I felt our breath synchronize. The heat of her hand felt so so very good. So tender. I had no idea what her intentions were but that helped me practice trust and my intuition was telling me my body felt desperate for this caress. She cradled my thigh and applied gentle pressure onto the skin that protects my ovaries…my lower belly… and that is where the emotions surfaced for me. I know my reproductive organs and the muscles and skin that protect them hold so many memories, so much ache, so much need for validation that they are enough. Its almost as if I’ve been afraid to cradle them, afraid to go there just yet as I go about my life and what is in front of me. But what is inside of me there…there…is tender and needs my attention, my love, my grace…even after all these years. I’ve been a bit quiet with them.

Later my naturopath told me she was doing Craniosacral therapy. I nodded and took a deep breath, told her it felt good but wasn’t ready in that moment to talk about what had just transpired. I got to my car, sat down in silence as the rain danced across the windows and the tears spilled. So much. So much emotion in those parts of my body. Endometriosis, cysts, (in)fertility…now that I allowed myself to pay attention to the emotion that rests beyond the physical pain, there was this tremendous release. I have known for quite some time subconsciously this needed to happen, this attention, this love…but honestly, I’ve been so afraid of it. Afraid of what would happen if I surrendered to it because it feels like it would be a flood that drowned me. And as I sat there in the car releasing what my naturopath had moved around, I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn’t as frightening as I had imagined. It was good. So good and dare I say even a bit freeing. As cliche as that sounds (and the cliche of it has kept me from believing that freedom could really happen for me), it is true. The days following I have felt a lightness I haven’t felt in years. Something has loosened. Something has awakened.

I’ve been touching those parts more. Laying my hand there whenever I can. Sending affirmations. Touch. Healing touch. Now I feel more aware when Cedar brushes my hand with his or my husband cups my face in the darkness of night to kiss me goodnight. I feel more alive when touching and being touched.

To my ovaries, my uterus, my fallopian tubes…(laying my hands there) I love you…and you are perfect for me, so very perfect for me, so very enough.

I will leave you with a little prompt droplet to think about what part of your body needs your love and affirmations…