Boho Girl

{on the ferry to victoria.  he got his blue moon wish for a ferry boat ride!  here he was chatting with passersby, whether they wanted him to or not!  he told many imaginary stories, which is how he communicates with people.  one patient grandma stood and listened to him for 10 minutes.}

{seeking an adventure.  ended up going on a ferry taxi tour. that is the Empress Hotel in the background.  breathtaking.}

{that bus in the background was our tour bus!  i’ve always wanted to do the afternoon tea at the Empress.  someday…}

{coolest public toilet ever.  good thing no one was in there while cedar was saying “helloooooo?”}

{on the bus, we had the whole downstairs to ourselves because cedar didn’t want to be on the top. he felt safer down below. i learned so much about the history of the city on this tour!}

{solstic cafe…our favorite place to get yerba mate lattes.  they gave cedar a straw dipped in honey.  what a sweet treat.  their dark hot chocolate with honey was a favorite of his too.}

{a park at beacon hill.  here cedar had a bit of a break through playing with others with the help of a boy with a kindred spirit.  at first he said “there are too many kids here!”  but then this sweet quirky little boy that didn’t want to talk to cedar just sat or stood near him.  and he let cedar chatter on and he listened and somehow, that gave cedar courage to feel safer in this environment.}

{listening intently to the captain on the ferry taxi tour.  we saw the most adorable house boats!  we are tempted to retire on a house boat someday.}

{fan tan alley. one of my favorite places to browse. so teeny tiny and full of hippy earthy shops.}

{cedar picked this fan out in china town over a toy.}

{my boys outside the museum, pretending to be totem poles}

{at an exhibit at the Royal BC Museum}

{us on the double decker bus tour}

{resting on daddy after a long day of adventures}

Victoria is a place we have visited each year since our honeymoon. Sometimes twice a year and now that we are a bit closer, perhaps it will be more. We are so drawn to this gorgeous city!

The last few times we brought Cedar, I noticed there was an underlying sense of being a bit bummed that we couldn’t do all we used to do BC (Before Cedar): Sit at an Irish pub, drink Ciders and listen to stories from tourists or locals, filling our bellies with yummy spicy Ceasars and watching hockey, walking around the city at night after romantic dates at a new restaurant, long drives for hours exploring the island. Don’t get me wrong, we so enjoyed our time there with him but I also found ourselves stuck in the muck of old expectations and spending energy trying to release them.  We weren’t really wanting to admit it to one another but it was just an energy that was there.

This time around, I wanted to be more present and aware of our reality. The reality that vacations with toddlers aren’t always relaxing and full of sleeping in and doing things on a whim. Especially when Cedar is more comfy knowing what’s happening next and also repeating things that bring him a sense of joy…over and over!!  Going into this trip with the intention that it will be all about toddler-ness, completely shifted the energy for us. We still did many of the same things we did the last few times we were there with Cedar but this time, that sense of longing to do or be somewhere else on the island wasn’t there. We were right there with Cedar, seeing it through his eyes, following his rhythms and it felt gooooood to our souls.

I left remembering how important it is to be present in the moment and to let go of expectations and go with the flow of now whether on vacation or at home or anywhere, really. Its a simple concept but it takes practice.  Daily.

This was a unique birthday for me in that I spent it alone…by choice. Much of my life I have been a person that balances being social with also being alone. Some people are filled up in crowds of people. I am a person that gets filled up with quiet time. I recall a dear friend of mine once saying about herself “I enjoy my own company!” and I thought that was brilliant and brave and beautiful and so so secure. And I get it. I enjoy my own company too. I now know as a 40 year old woman (weeeee!) that allowing for alone time is crucial for my empathic, introverted self. What I realized as my birthday approached was that now that I have a child and a husband that works from home, I am rarely and I mean very rarely alone. So when my husband asked what I wanted to do for my birthday, all I could think about was sleeping in without interruption, long walks, sitting at a cafe with a book and window shopping…alone. Oh, and throw in getting my dreads tightly locked by my soul twin Stephanie for a few hours and I am GOLDEN.

I didn’t take for granted one solitary moment. I woke up at 4am and while my boys slept, I sipped my warm yerba mate while getting ready for my airport taxi to arrive. I stepped out into the still dark sky and chilled morning, took a deep breath and I don’t think I stopped smiling for two days. Of course I missed my boys and reached out to my family and my soul sisters. There were moments when I wondered if I should have planned a gathering or allowed others to plan one for me but then I always came back around to knowing I needed to feel filled up and rested and when I get together with my gals, sleep is never on my mind. I am learning…learning to take better care of myself and a sweet little gnome named Cedar has something to do with that. Okay, a lot to do with it.

Portland is a charming city. Simultaneously smooth and vibrant. Definitely one of my favorite places on earth and each time I have been there, have felt so at home. So many kindred spirits walking the streets.

When I landed and walked out of the airport to find a taxi, a kind looking man approached me. He had soft eyes. My heart told me to go with him in his taxi. On the way to the salon , he told me about how his family came from Ethiopia and how he loves Jesus. He even invited me to church with his family. It was the sweetest conversation and he was so open to my thoughts on religion and spirituality. We decided that he would be my driver from the hotel and back to the airport. It felt like a gift. Each time I saw him, I soaked in the stories about his country and the food. Oh the food. I must try it!

Being with Stephanie was like warm butter on freshly baked bread. Oh I have missed her and our spirits feel so twin that I find myself nodding as she somehow is able to express so much that I can’t. This time for us was about big intensity but also big laughter. She is medicine. And man, nobody loves on my locks like her. I just let her do her groove thing and she works her magic.

She had to tame my wild head but I know it will unravel soon. We both agreed we are in love with cavewoman-esque hair. ; )

One of the first places I went after my dread appointment was me and my husband’s favorite tea shop: Tea Chai Te with their cushy velvet chairs and couches, a variety of mates and chai’s and a smell that I want to bottle and take home with me.

Sinking my body into the blue velvet chair, I felt so inspired. I felt so closer to the me that has so much to say and so many ways to express it creatively. I wish I had remembered to take my journal with me but instead, I just let myself feel it and move through me. The last time I was there was right before adopting Cedar. And there I was a tired, worn totally in love mama to a toddler aching to be alone for a day. I would have never imagined!

My husband set me up in the funkiest hotel a few blocks away from 23rd street (my favorite). The Inn @ Northrup Station. So fun and colorful. Especially their salt water taffy center pieces in the lounge area. ; )

Most of my time was spent drifting in and out of shops, people watching and taking deep breaths. As the night fell, I ordered a gluten free pizza and a chick flick. Mmmmmm. I found myself emotional about being away from Cedar in the night. We had a teary Skype. Boho Boy is so brilliant at diverting Cedar’s sadness into laughter. I didn’t expect to feel that deep pang of missing over just one night away especially when so many nights I ache for space to sleep uninterrupted and into the late morning. We are a co-sleeping family but it still surprised me that I slept better at home than in the hotel room alone. It was nourishing for me regardless but also so good to be reminded that I am also nourished by the closeness and connection I share with my boys.

40 was just awesome in so many ways. Especially awesome because I went into a Free People store for the first time and left with their ADORABLE cloth bags that held my new bday sweater. That store is just eye candy-liciousness. The owner of the store was giggling behind the counter at how I needed to touch everything and how I drooled over the design on the walls and the tree branches hung from the ceiling draped in ribbons, yarn and sparkly trinkets. I want to hang branches from my ceiling, yes!

Just walking down the street and seeing this adorable double decker bus filled with vintage yummies on the side of the road speaks volumes about Portland’s groove…

I heart Portland.

And I heart my parents who will be pulling into our driveway this afternoon after taking their first roadtrip to Washington!

photo of me by deb schwedhelm

If you’d like to learn about a nugget of my time spent in Romania…read about it on my post over at the beautiful Gypsy Girls Guide blog.

xo

cedar and his new froggie pack from auntie dd,  taken with palm pre phone (august break #23)

meeting daddy at our home airport, taken with palm pre phone

My sister got a pass to help me through security at the airport today. I need help because Cedar has suddenly become SO active and isn’t a fan of sitting still in wide open spaces. : ) So holding onto him while taking off my shoes, his shoes, my backpack, his backpack and pulling out all the liquids is so totally impossible when he wants to run off. This is why we use the monkey backpack leash. I know people have opinions about it and I can have compassion for their aversion to it but oh my gosh, what would I do without it? He would run off in an instant and I would lose him and be a total mommy wreck. Besides, the idea of a monkey hugging him brings him massive amounts of delight. At this stage, it has saved our lives and sanity, since I travel alone with him a lot. I do wonder if those people that have opinions about these leash backpacks have had a very active toddler that won’t let you carry them in slings or packs, hold them, hold your hand or sit in a stroller while in crowded spaces. Bless the hearts of anyone that can handle it better than I can.

So, after Darlene and I got through all the liquid testing and padding down of security, we saw these adorable stuffed animal fuzzy backpack rolly thingies in the window of one of the airport shops. So, of course Auntie DD had to go check them out and Cedar immediately started pulling one of them around the shop. He’s all about pulling wagons with stuffed animals inside, so a stuffed animal he can pull was absolute bliss.

He proudly walked around the airport with his new froggie pack and monkey on his back. Everyone laughed and smiled and while getting on the airplane, Cedar kept stopping and pointing to his new froggie pack, showing all the folks in the aisle seats. It was awesome.  Thank you, Auntie DD…score!!!

The moment he saw daddy coming towards him when we arrived at our home airport, rather than hug him, he pointed to his new froggie pack to show it off.  It was hilarious and so fun to see Boho Boy totally get the excitement about it.

Here is a video of Cedar pretending to talk on the phone on our iPod Touch, while mid-flight home:

airplane ride with marmie doggie, canon 50d ~ august break #19

One of the many things we love about cedar is that he wants others to enjoy what he sees, feels, tastes, hears…and invites them into his world.

cedar eating celery at our friend’s house in santa barbara

Today was spent settling back in after being gone for a long weekend in Santa Barbara. It was really dreamy being there. So many wonderful memories. Not only the place where I met my darling husband but also the place where I came to heal, driving down from Berkeley, without much of a plan. I was 30 years old and ready to spread my wings and start a new chapter in my life. Our time there was spent reveling in many heart soaked, late night talks and also drinking a mouth watering smoothie called Betterfinger at Blenders in the Grass. Its like a liquid Butterfinger but healthy…sort of. Fresh squeezed carrot juice, peanut butter and frozen soy blend. Who would have thought?

I am going to do a vlog for you hopefully tomorrow. I want to connect with you in that way. It feels more intimate and raw.

I would also love to hear from you. Even if it is just a simple hello. Say hi and where you are from or tell me something yummy about your day. I love to bridge that gap between writer and readers from all over the globe. I am equally inspired by the way you all seem to come here and spread your gentle wisdom and comfort and love. Do say hello in the comment section. Let me see you! Even you shy beans!

p.s. don’t you just LOVE the door in this photo? it is at our friend’s house in SB. its also rounded at the top. so so so dreamy.