Boho Girl

our flower child

first time out in so long. took a drive with windows down and the wailin’ jennys blaring

pretty knobs at cost plus world market. want to cover our new kitchen with these

i love him so much. he looks yummy in his gypsy wrap.

cedar eating our flu soup. recipe below.

best. swing. view. ever.

resting on a bench together

Just wanted to share some images of the last few days.

Man, moving is more stressful than I remember. There was a time when I was in my twenties that I moved every few years. But back then I was more a gypsy about it and didn’t keep a lot of THINGS and didn’t allow myself to get attached to the walls around me. I was joking with a friend the other day who is going through the same thing and she said sorting and packing should be illegal with a toddler. ; ) Oh my gosh. It makes a huge difference when the little one decides it is SO FUN to pull apart the pile you are working on or get into the box and pretend its a car. It is a Zen exercise in staying present and slowing down and remembering that this wee one has absolutely no concept of what we’re about to really do. To him right now, our home being out of sorts is like a maze of creative play. Crazytown.

We are all feeling stronger and better. I am on the last leg of this flu and tend to go in and out of good or hard days. I know its because I am not able to rest fully. Gone are the days I can lay in bed all day when I am feeling poorly. ; ) I wanted to share our Flu Soup with you. We got it out of Real Simple magazine and added a few different touches. It heals the bod and tastes delicious! Boho Boy is a stud at making soups when I am not feeling well.

We are in the process of maybe having found our Faerie Home. We will know in the next three days. If it happens to be the one, I will let you know. House hunting is yet ANOTHER Zen exercise in not allowing yourself to get attached and to trust that if a home we fall in love with falls through, it means it was not meant for us. Moving is SUPER hard on the ego because it forces you to leg go of it completely and just surrender.

Flu Soup {we do it the quick and easy way}

1 can white kidney beans*
2 tbsp olive oil
2 cups diced onion
4 cloves garlic sliced thinly
8 oz shiitake mushrooms sliced
8 oz portobello mushrooms sliced
2 lbs butternut squash cut into 1 inch cubes
1 bay leaf
8 cups broth (we prefer turkey broth with these flavors…at Trader Joes)
1/2 bunch of kale, stems removed and leaves sliced thinly
Sea Salt

Directions:
Heat Oil in a large pan over a medium flame
Add onions and garlic. Cook until tender (6 minutes)
Transfer them to a bowl and set aside.
Add some more oil and then saute the mushrooms until they are golden brow. stir them often.
Put onions/garlic in a soup pot and add the mushrooms.
Add the squash, bay leaf and broth.
Season with pepper.
Bring to a boil, then cover and let simmer for about 45 minutes, or until squash is tender.
Stir in the kale about 15 minutes before soup is done.
*If you want to use dried beans, go ahead…just simmer the soup for a solid hour.

Here is a cute little video we took the other day. I love the way he sings…

And this one just makes me laugh…

Here are two photos from said date with husband:

{him sober, me not…taken with iPhone4}

Bonus Cedar photo. Today he wanted two ponytails on his head. He got them. ; )

We also found him digging in my make-up bag yesterday and applying blush to his cheeks. And when we go to the toy store, the child size car he wants to sit on is the Barbie jeep. Awesome. ; ) He is madly in love with trains, planes and automobiles and loves to wrestle. I love and celebrate his balance of feminine and masculine energies. There are no boxes we will put him in as far as gender goes!

Cedar does this so often. He wants me to sit and watch as he runs down a hill, towards me, then on top of me…to end with a mini boy hug (aka wrestle on the ground). I thought it would be fun to capture it today.

Lately I have discovered the wonder of audio books. Since Cedar came into our lives, I have not had the attention span, nor the time, to sit and read a book. I can skim through it quickly or jump around only to read a few sentences before I end up falling asleep or distracted in some way. I don’t know why it took me so long to come up with the idea of listening to an audio book while doing chores or hanging with Cedar. It’s brilliant!!! And I love that he is being read to as well. Although, the one I save for his nap time is “Connection Parenting…Parenting through Connection Rather than Coercion and Love instead of Fear” by Pam Leo.  Oh man, this one is full of wisdom that wraps around my heart and hugs it tight.  I find myself weepy while doing laundry and picking up his toys from ideas that resonate so deeply with me and also comfort my inner little girl.

So far, here are a few gems that I wrote down.  Will share more soon…

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“We are less likely to pass on our past hurts to our children when we do our own healing work.”

“Once we understand that uncooperative behavior is a communication of a child’s unmet need, a hurt, or a response to an adults unrealistic expectation, we do not have to take the behavior so personally.”

“We create a strong bond over time when we lovingly and consistently meet our child’s needs.”

“When we learn to relate in ways that show children that their needs and feelings matter,  we strengthen the bond and avoid power struggles.”

“Very young children learn conflict resolution when we model it.”

“We teach children that every one’s needs are important by honoring their needs.  From our example, they learn to honor other’s needs.”

“Children are delightful to be with when their needs are being met and nothing is hurting them.”

“Whenever a child responds negatively to a reasonable request,  we look for a hidden hurt or the unmet need.  Once we acknowledge every one’s needs, we can work on problem solving.”

“I’ve learned to say…‘When you behave that way, I know something is wrong.  We love each other and people who love each other don’t treat one another this way. Can you tell me what you need or what is hurting you?’  If I can remember to stop and ask that one simple question, it changes the whole concept of the power struggle.  That question communicates “I love you and what you feel is important to me.”

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Such good stuff…and really resonates with my soul.  I find myself so much more present with Cedar these days.  So much more forgiving of myself in those moments when I am more reactive and then I hold him and talk with him about it.  I feel as though my mind and heart are opening wider to who Cedar is and what triggers him and how I can do my best to create an environment where he feels seen and heard and loved consistently.  Right now this mama business is SO my greatest teacher.

the bohos chilling at a pond this past weekend

I feel like I’ve been resisting a blog post lately because I have been at a loss for words. So rather than come to this space with a perfectly dreamed up concept for a post, I am just here. As I am. Wordless and giving myself permission to be.

Its not normal for me to feel unable to put my daily experiences or thoughts or feelings into words. I think it might be exhaustion. Boho Boy and I are both dealing with it, for different reasons, right now.

How about I make a list of some of what is transpiring in our life these days. A list feels so much less intimidating to my brain that is unable to flow at the moment.

• Every day we talk about our move to Washington in June.
• We’ve realized that living where we have has been both depressing and oppressive for our souls. Admitting that was really difficult but also freeing.
• I think my body responds to forest more than ocean.
• I always thought it was the ocean.
• But lately I keep dreaming of forests.
• Forests smell delicious and are cool and crisp and nurturing and you can walk in it.
• Forests remind me of faeries and gnomes and hobbits. Those are my people.
• I think Cedar is one of those people too.
• We found a duck pond not too far away from our home (see above).
• Cedar is now totally in love with ducks.
• Someone dropped a pet duck off at this pond. We saw the empty box and the duck wanted no part of the pond.
• He kept following Cedar and would snuggle up to me.
• This duck didn’t know he was a duck. Cedar got attached.
• A family that was also there with a sweet boy decided to take the duck home.  It looked miserable and they were concerned.
• This family had land and was going to load up on all things duck on the way home.
• Cedar cried when they drove away with the duck.
• It was the saddest moment ever.
• The other day, while watching videos of Cedar on the laptop, the one with him and the duck following him around came on.
• Cedar immediately sat down where he was, cried, shook his head “no” and put his hands over his eyes.
• I held him for about 10 minutes while he cried.
• He remembered the duck from a week back. It both shocked me and melted my heart to the floor.
• Now we have to get him a duck when we move to Washington. ; )
• I was sick with a flu for a week last week.  When I got better, Boho Boy got sick.
• Now that Boho Boy is better, Cedar is going through a massive growth/brain spurt.
• So much so that he hasn’t wanted to sleep.  He LOVES to sleep but lately his zest for life has been far too abundant for that.
• Mama and daddy are tired.  Today mama needs a cocktail.  But instead I drink water in a wine glass and pretend it is a martini.
• Boho Boy just called me and said he is bringing home Indian food.  Seriously?  He read my mind.  I didn’t feel like cooking.
• Now I am a tired and HAPPY mama.
• I get jealous of my husband’s garlic naan bread because it isn’t gluten free.
• So I heat up a brown rice tortilla with Earth Balance butter and sprinkle it with garlic salt.
• Almost as good.  I think.  I guess I wouldn’t know but I can pretend.
• Perhaps I am drawn to lists right now because I LOVE these pretty little arrows Jo created.  ; )

We haven’t let Cedar climb up the stairs to the loft or explore up there until very recently. The stairs are not the safest, as you can see with the rough tile from Mexico. So now that he seems more confident about climbing, we’re granting him his wish that he’s had probably since we first brought him home. ; )

I wanted to capture him in a 10 minute span. He went from tortured artist, to singing the teething blues to climbing glee to exploring something sparkly. And this is just 10 minutes. Oh how full my days are when I walk through his world presently.

He’s growing up, non? *sigh*

self portrait today with phone {a photo i took for a dear friend that just got dreads and needed reassurance that bumps and grooves are an everyday part of them}

this is how my life feels right now.  a little bumpy and loopy and frayed.  this is why my dreadlocks parallel my life in a beautiful, messy way.  ; )

i am having a wee bit of computer issues.  hence…the lack of posting and spilling.  i recorded a long, heart soaked vlog for all of you today and when i replayed it, i sounded like i was sitting in a closet with cotton in my mouth.  i think i cried.  well, okay i admit, i DID cry because i really wanted you to hear it.  so i will try to share again what i felt inspired to share in that moment.  it might not look the same but it will be what is supposed to be sent out into the world, i must trust.

i’ve had two weeks of emotional upheavally days (yes, just made up that word) with sweet, dear cedar…and his deep need to express himself, along with his frustration that he is unable to do it fully with words.  so i shared about it in a very raw and vulnerable way on the vlog i recorded this morning while he was napping.  it felt so HEALING to get it out there and release.  then he woke up and was in such a soft, cuddly, present mood with me.  our day was pretty stellar.  i took him on a nature walk and there was so much connectedness between us.  i honestly believe it was because he could feel my release of worry for him and my trust in the process and his sensitive soul opened up more space for us.  when my husband came home tonight, i couldn’t stop talking about our wonderful day (because for the last two weeks, he came home to a weepy, exhausted, emotional wife).

i thought i was losing it yesterday. today i felt so centered and present and patient and alive.  motherhood is beautiful lumpy bumpy ride, man…with lots and lots of groovy grooves.

i am posting the video anyways, for those of you that have earphones and can turn up your volume loud enough to perhaps gather a few words.  ; )  just so i don’t feel it was completely for naught.