Boho Girl

Oh hello there*. I’m Stephanie. A mama of two boys. Artist. Holistic health coach. Sometimes overwhelmed. Sometimes reaching for a little sweet when stressed. Recovered {mostly} emotional eater. Constantly rediscovering how real food makes me feel alive, fog lifted. Lover of twinkle lights, painting, the smell of beeswax, secret gardens, sea glass & driftwood, horses with curly manes, candlelit conversations, skirts & boots, wool anything, woodland walks with her boys and a bit of mercury glass. Major passion for working with other creative women. Seeker of deep connections. So honored to meet you*.

I work with women. Mama or not, single or together. Those who are a bit lost, at the end of their rope. Done with diets. Struggling with something but can’t quite put their finger on it. Knowing there must be something better. I’m here to say that if you choose to walk a different path I can walk with you. Support you and hold space for you. Together we can create something sacred.

I am beyond excited to extend my gratitude to the Universe and all it has given me. My greatest wish is to give back in some way, so today I am offering up an opportunity for a free “Holiday Nourishment” session to two special readers of Denise’s poetry.

Gently guiding you toward simple, less stress and a bit of magic. I’m here to help you get your twinkle back.

This is your chance to really make the holidays what YOU want them to be. It’s an opportunity to go from wishing to doing. 50 minutes of one on one time carved out and customized just for you.

First, we will set a time to have a chat. Don’t forget your cup of tea and a cozy blanket. We will talk, ask questions and connect. After our session you will have some new goals and a deeper sense of what you need to do for yourself to make some magic happen. Then, I’ll follow up with you with some recipes and tips that will help support your and your new intentions.

GIVEaway:
For a chance to be entered into the drawing, please leave a comment on this post (one comment per person, please) and share your biggest, deepest or secret holiday wish! The two winners will be announced in 5 days when the giveaway ends.

{To get in touch with Stephanie, you can find her on Facebook or stop by and visit her new blog.}

chairs inside and in front of mole restaurant, downtown victoria, b.c.

*gentle*vibrant*abundant*inspiring*beautiful*

Saw these during our trip to Victoria last week. And it moved me so. If we were to all make an affirmation chair for ourselves, how beautiful would that be? What would your chair say?

I remember in the dark of the night, walking up to a friend’s cabin at Squam a few years back. She and a few others were huddled in front, bundled in sweaters and scarves but their hair was soaked. Each of their faces were filled with a rosy-cheeked glow. I knew something went down and when I asked, they excitedly told me how they just returned from skinny dipping by moonlight in the lake. I remember feeling my heart take flight for each of them and at the same time, it ached to feel that free in my body and comfortable in my skin.

I’ve attracted quite a few free spirited friends in my life. I lived vicariously through their stories of running naked with people in a field or soaking nude in a hot springs. I’ve often wondered what it would feel like to be so uninhibited that way. I wondered if I was capable of not being self conscious. I grew up in a very modest household. We didn’t walk around naked like some of my friend’s families. We always dressed or went to the bathroom in private. I honor this way of being too. I am grateful that I considered my body, my temple sacred when in romantic relationships at such a young age. All of that served me so well then.

But now, especially lately, I ache for a freedom and acceptance and celebration of my body. Perhaps its turning 40. Perhaps its me wanting to release the wounds left from (in)fertility and the doubts that crept in about me being fully woman. Perhaps its me being more open to the call of sisters long before me that danced under the moon with their skin glowing and curves swaying up on a mountaintop where shame didn’t exist. Perhaps me pulling the layers of clothing off would feel symbolic to me of renewal and rebirth and transformation in this new world I am living in. Whatever it is and I know I don’t really need to know what it is exactly yet…but this ache led me to something so beautiful that happened yesterday.

A new organic farmer friend of mine invited me over to this glorious house where she is house sitting up on a hill over looking the bay. In my mind, I imagined us snuggling up on the couch with tea and soaking in this very first time her and I had alone. Any other time we were together with both of my boys. Her and I have been longing for girl time. When I arrived, the sun came out and warmed our skin after a spell of such chilled weather, so we decided to say out on the deck. She had told me she put the hot tub on and that she wanted to go in nude. I sat with her on the deck, as we both were petting a cat and I felt my heart pounding in my chest. She held me gently with her gaze, and I felt the tears come and I shared with her how healing this will be for me and that I have never been fully nude out in the open with a friend. I knew this was the time. The time to shed the temptation to hide, to shed shame and to accept I am fully woman, along side this other woman…fully woman. She was moved that this was new and tender and that she was the one to honor it all with me.

I found myself wanting to savor the moment. I shed my clothing one by one, slowly. We then soaked our bodies and it was the most natural feeling. Mmmmm…water on skin, sun on face, crisp breeze on shoulders, the sounds of nature echoing around us. I wondered why it took me so long to be in this space but at the same time, I also honored the perfect timing of it all. And now I get it. I get the healing power of being fully nude in mother nature alone or among people you feel safe with. Like a friend said to me yesterday, it felt like a baptism and a coming home to an ancient part of me that wants to be heard and felt and seen and loved and held divine like a newborn is fresh from the womb and into our arms.

This photo was taken shortly after our time together in the tub. Her and I were on our knees, looking out the window, reading from a book of Buddhist quotes. My skin still moist, my dreads still dripping, the peace radiating from my heart. I wanted to take this photo to remember the complete surrender I felt in this moment. The connection to God and Goddess and all things living and breathing. One love surrounding me, within me.

When I looked at this image, I cried. Yes. THAT is how it felt. There it is. Baptism captured.

This was a unique birthday for me in that I spent it alone…by choice. Much of my life I have been a person that balances being social with also being alone. Some people are filled up in crowds of people. I am a person that gets filled up with quiet time. I recall a dear friend of mine once saying about herself “I enjoy my own company!” and I thought that was brilliant and brave and beautiful and so so secure. And I get it. I enjoy my own company too. I now know as a 40 year old woman (weeeee!) that allowing for alone time is crucial for my empathic, introverted self. What I realized as my birthday approached was that now that I have a child and a husband that works from home, I am rarely and I mean very rarely alone. So when my husband asked what I wanted to do for my birthday, all I could think about was sleeping in without interruption, long walks, sitting at a cafe with a book and window shopping…alone. Oh, and throw in getting my dreads tightly locked by my soul twin Stephanie for a few hours and I am GOLDEN.

I didn’t take for granted one solitary moment. I woke up at 4am and while my boys slept, I sipped my warm yerba mate while getting ready for my airport taxi to arrive. I stepped out into the still dark sky and chilled morning, took a deep breath and I don’t think I stopped smiling for two days. Of course I missed my boys and reached out to my family and my soul sisters. There were moments when I wondered if I should have planned a gathering or allowed others to plan one for me but then I always came back around to knowing I needed to feel filled up and rested and when I get together with my gals, sleep is never on my mind. I am learning…learning to take better care of myself and a sweet little gnome named Cedar has something to do with that. Okay, a lot to do with it.

Portland is a charming city. Simultaneously smooth and vibrant. Definitely one of my favorite places on earth and each time I have been there, have felt so at home. So many kindred spirits walking the streets.

When I landed and walked out of the airport to find a taxi, a kind looking man approached me. He had soft eyes. My heart told me to go with him in his taxi. On the way to the salon , he told me about how his family came from Ethiopia and how he loves Jesus. He even invited me to church with his family. It was the sweetest conversation and he was so open to my thoughts on religion and spirituality. We decided that he would be my driver from the hotel and back to the airport. It felt like a gift. Each time I saw him, I soaked in the stories about his country and the food. Oh the food. I must try it!

Being with Stephanie was like warm butter on freshly baked bread. Oh I have missed her and our spirits feel so twin that I find myself nodding as she somehow is able to express so much that I can’t. This time for us was about big intensity but also big laughter. She is medicine. And man, nobody loves on my locks like her. I just let her do her groove thing and she works her magic.

She had to tame my wild head but I know it will unravel soon. We both agreed we are in love with cavewoman-esque hair. ; )

One of the first places I went after my dread appointment was me and my husband’s favorite tea shop: Tea Chai Te with their cushy velvet chairs and couches, a variety of mates and chai’s and a smell that I want to bottle and take home with me.

Sinking my body into the blue velvet chair, I felt so inspired. I felt so closer to the me that has so much to say and so many ways to express it creatively. I wish I had remembered to take my journal with me but instead, I just let myself feel it and move through me. The last time I was there was right before adopting Cedar. And there I was a tired, worn totally in love mama to a toddler aching to be alone for a day. I would have never imagined!

My husband set me up in the funkiest hotel a few blocks away from 23rd street (my favorite). The Inn @ Northrup Station. So fun and colorful. Especially their salt water taffy center pieces in the lounge area. ; )

Most of my time was spent drifting in and out of shops, people watching and taking deep breaths. As the night fell, I ordered a gluten free pizza and a chick flick. Mmmmmm. I found myself emotional about being away from Cedar in the night. We had a teary Skype. Boho Boy is so brilliant at diverting Cedar’s sadness into laughter. I didn’t expect to feel that deep pang of missing over just one night away especially when so many nights I ache for space to sleep uninterrupted and into the late morning. We are a co-sleeping family but it still surprised me that I slept better at home than in the hotel room alone. It was nourishing for me regardless but also so good to be reminded that I am also nourished by the closeness and connection I share with my boys.

40 was just awesome in so many ways. Especially awesome because I went into a Free People store for the first time and left with their ADORABLE cloth bags that held my new bday sweater. That store is just eye candy-liciousness. The owner of the store was giggling behind the counter at how I needed to touch everything and how I drooled over the design on the walls and the tree branches hung from the ceiling draped in ribbons, yarn and sparkly trinkets. I want to hang branches from my ceiling, yes!

Just walking down the street and seeing this adorable double decker bus filled with vintage yummies on the side of the road speaks volumes about Portland’s groove…

I heart Portland.

And I heart my parents who will be pulling into our driveway this afternoon after taking their first roadtrip to Washington!

Tomorrow I turn 40. I feel just as much excitement and anticipation as when I turned 30. I’ve never been one to freak out about age, really…to me it is just a number. I remember someone telling me that your 30′s are all about discovering who you really are and your 40′s are the beginning of being comfortable with who you are the rest of your life. This may not be true for everyone but reflecting back, it feels true for me. I think this is why these milestone ages didn’t frighten me. I have always so longed to be comfortable in my skin.

Boho Boy had a discussion with his acupuncturist the other day about how our American culture views age and how different it is to how it is viewed in the Asian culture. You often hear in our culture “I feel old” or “I can’t do that or wear that because I am too old!”. There is such a negative connotation on the idea of aging in those statements. So much of how we view ourselves is how we will end up feeling and being. What if getting old, being old, was a celebration? What if we all looked forward to it? What if it was an AWESOME thing to be old? Then on the days we are feeling good and sassy and deliciously comfy in our skin, we would say...”I am SO old! Yay!!” ; ) In the Asian culture and perhaps others I am unaware of, it seems age is less limiting and just more of an opportunity to create and embrace the abundance in your life.

I want to embrace this concept. As I see the gray hairs peeking through in this photo above, what if rather than wince and cover up, I celebrate them as silver ribbons in my hair? I see long gray dreads in my future.

Tomorrow morning I get on a plane for a wee one night groovy getaway.  I plan on doing a lot of reading, window shopping, drinking a cocktail or two, getting a bit pampered and SLEEPING.  All stuff I can’t quite do right now as a mama without interruption.

Here’s to glorious gray hairs and uninterrupted fun!  Getting older rocks.

xo

I have some pretty yummy stuff to document about my trip to British Columbia, Canada but not the time to do it yet. I want to put it somewhere, so I can look back and cherish, read it to Cedar and savor the memory of his first time in his father’s country. Just to offer a slice, some of the stories have to do with my head being pooped on, me losing my phone downtown to be found again and a dreadlocked beauty who reads my blog bravely approaching me that I cannot stop thinking about.  She was magic.

This was a full week. A dear friend was in town and we soaked her in as much as possible. She is a dream. Also a bit of an emotional week for me having to do with one of my sisters. Some stuff I don’t feel comfortable sharing in public but wanted to say something, so that those of you that come to this space with your big hearts and intuition will already know to lift it up in prayer and meditation and send healing thoughts to her and the rest of my family.

In the meantime, I wanted to share this shot of Cedar I took the day before yesterday. It was in the morning, still in his jammies, with his new boots on and excited to see how they felt running down our street. Been trying to find little toddler Uggs at the consignment shops here but they must go fast, so we couldn’t wait and he loves these and that is awesome because he usually only likes to wear shoes with animals on them! This image of Cedar is so totally him with his wild joy and free spirit.

I am writing this on my steps with my Nia pants on and a tank and some brand new walking/running shoes. I don’t remember the last time I stepped out in work out shoes. All of my walks out in nature have been lazed and lovely and slow and mindful. I embraced that slowness my body, soul and mind needed. But I feel ready. Ready to get my body moving, to let my blood flow and work through stuff stirring around in my soul. So today it begins. As I move my bod, time alone, music in my ears, I will think of this image of Cedar and draw from his wild and free ways.

{your stories in my previous post have moved me deep. and the times i came here to write a post, i chose to just read your words. i’ve needed to hear so much of this wisdom and insight and just raw spilling. i think so many of us have. thank you…so utterly humbled and grateful for your bravery}