Boho Girl

Cedar does this so often. He wants me to sit and watch as he runs down a hill, towards me, then on top of me…to end with a mini boy hug (aka wrestle on the ground). I thought it would be fun to capture it today.

Lately I have discovered the wonder of audio books. Since Cedar came into our lives, I have not had the attention span, nor the time, to sit and read a book. I can skim through it quickly or jump around only to read a few sentences before I end up falling asleep or distracted in some way. I don’t know why it took me so long to come up with the idea of listening to an audio book while doing chores or hanging with Cedar. It’s brilliant!!! And I love that he is being read to as well. Although, the one I save for his nap time is “Connection Parenting…Parenting through Connection Rather than Coercion and Love instead of Fear” by Pam Leo.  Oh man, this one is full of wisdom that wraps around my heart and hugs it tight.  I find myself weepy while doing laundry and picking up his toys from ideas that resonate so deeply with me and also comfort my inner little girl.

So far, here are a few gems that I wrote down.  Will share more soon…

****************************************

“We are less likely to pass on our past hurts to our children when we do our own healing work.”

“Once we understand that uncooperative behavior is a communication of a child’s unmet need, a hurt, or a response to an adults unrealistic expectation, we do not have to take the behavior so personally.”

“We create a strong bond over time when we lovingly and consistently meet our child’s needs.”

“When we learn to relate in ways that show children that their needs and feelings matter,  we strengthen the bond and avoid power struggles.”

“Very young children learn conflict resolution when we model it.”

“We teach children that every one’s needs are important by honoring their needs.  From our example, they learn to honor other’s needs.”

“Children are delightful to be with when their needs are being met and nothing is hurting them.”

“Whenever a child responds negatively to a reasonable request,  we look for a hidden hurt or the unmet need.  Once we acknowledge every one’s needs, we can work on problem solving.”

“I’ve learned to say…‘When you behave that way, I know something is wrong.  We love each other and people who love each other don’t treat one another this way. Can you tell me what you need or what is hurting you?’  If I can remember to stop and ask that one simple question, it changes the whole concept of the power struggle.  That question communicates “I love you and what you feel is important to me.”

******************************************

Such good stuff…and really resonates with my soul.  I find myself so much more present with Cedar these days.  So much more forgiving of myself in those moments when I am more reactive and then I hold him and talk with him about it.  I feel as though my mind and heart are opening wider to who Cedar is and what triggers him and how I can do my best to create an environment where he feels seen and heard and loved consistently.  Right now this mama business is SO my greatest teacher.

the bohos chilling at a pond this past weekend

I feel like I’ve been resisting a blog post lately because I have been at a loss for words. So rather than come to this space with a perfectly dreamed up concept for a post, I am just here. As I am. Wordless and giving myself permission to be.

Its not normal for me to feel unable to put my daily experiences or thoughts or feelings into words. I think it might be exhaustion. Boho Boy and I are both dealing with it, for different reasons, right now.

How about I make a list of some of what is transpiring in our life these days. A list feels so much less intimidating to my brain that is unable to flow at the moment.

• Every day we talk about our move to Washington in June.
• We’ve realized that living where we have has been both depressing and oppressive for our souls. Admitting that was really difficult but also freeing.
• I think my body responds to forest more than ocean.
• I always thought it was the ocean.
• But lately I keep dreaming of forests.
• Forests smell delicious and are cool and crisp and nurturing and you can walk in it.
• Forests remind me of faeries and gnomes and hobbits. Those are my people.
• I think Cedar is one of those people too.
• We found a duck pond not too far away from our home (see above).
• Cedar is now totally in love with ducks.
• Someone dropped a pet duck off at this pond. We saw the empty box and the duck wanted no part of the pond.
• He kept following Cedar and would snuggle up to me.
• This duck didn’t know he was a duck. Cedar got attached.
• A family that was also there with a sweet boy decided to take the duck home.  It looked miserable and they were concerned.
• This family had land and was going to load up on all things duck on the way home.
• Cedar cried when they drove away with the duck.
• It was the saddest moment ever.
• The other day, while watching videos of Cedar on the laptop, the one with him and the duck following him around came on.
• Cedar immediately sat down where he was, cried, shook his head “no” and put his hands over his eyes.
• I held him for about 10 minutes while he cried.
• He remembered the duck from a week back. It both shocked me and melted my heart to the floor.
• Now we have to get him a duck when we move to Washington. ; )
• I was sick with a flu for a week last week.  When I got better, Boho Boy got sick.
• Now that Boho Boy is better, Cedar is going through a massive growth/brain spurt.
• So much so that he hasn’t wanted to sleep.  He LOVES to sleep but lately his zest for life has been far too abundant for that.
• Mama and daddy are tired.  Today mama needs a cocktail.  But instead I drink water in a wine glass and pretend it is a martini.
• Boho Boy just called me and said he is bringing home Indian food.  Seriously?  He read my mind.  I didn’t feel like cooking.
• Now I am a tired and HAPPY mama.
• I get jealous of my husband’s garlic naan bread because it isn’t gluten free.
• So I heat up a brown rice tortilla with Earth Balance butter and sprinkle it with garlic salt.
• Almost as good.  I think.  I guess I wouldn’t know but I can pretend.
• Perhaps I am drawn to lists right now because I LOVE these pretty little arrows Jo created.  ; )

tantrum, august break #12

dearest cedar,
it must be so, so hard and frustrating to not be able to communicate what you so badly want to say to us in words but can’t.

we will now and forever love you through all of these growing pains swirling around in your heart, soul & body.

love,
mommy and daddy

august break #5: daddy reading to him this morning, canon 50d

A week ago, we were watching a documentary about dinosaurs on the History Channel. Cedar was completely enamoured, even when over and over there were frightening Dinosaurs roaring at the screen with saliva dripping from their teeth. It frightened me more than Cedar. He just roared right back and clapped and twirled and made new Dino friends in his imaginary world.

So, yesterday we felt it was appropriate to take him to the Dinosaur exhibit at our local Natural History Museum. It was a blast.  We let him lead the way and it was so fun following him around with the camera.  Although, I forgot my BC (big camera) and had to settle for my phone and none of them turned out that well but I will post a few just for fun.  He was pointing and squealing and even checking out the written descriptions on each creature.  So fascinated and it was contagious. 

My favorite part was when Cedar turned the corner on the top floor and saw the ginormous shark hanging from the ceiling.  He pointed and screamed in an excited way and everyone around him laughed and joined his enthusiasm.  This one sweet man strolling by him in a wheelchair looked at Boho Boy and said “that was the best reaction ever.” 

It’s been so hot here lately…and my body doesn’t respond well to extreme heat. But this morning is overcast and misty, with a cool breeze through the window. So, I sit here, breathing it all in…sweater over my pj’s, hot steamy cup of yerba mate in hand. Centering myself for the day.

Its been a slightly intense week here for me, hence the quiet. Both Cedar and I caught the stomach flu on top of him about to cut two or three teeth (molars and pointies, not fun) and he’s growing so fast that I can tell his legs ache and to top it off, he’s had a few injuries. Then there is me, full or hormones as my cycle is about to begin and with all of this swirling around me, still wanting to connect with my intuition about how to love Cedar best and guide him towards kindness of self and others. This probably would have been any other week around here. Just life with a toddler. I just think being ill threw us off.

I have some deadlines for my website designer and no time to work on it. Boho Boy is putting so much of his energy in trying to build his database business so that we can move sooner rather than later to a place that we belong and where Cedar can connect deeper to nature. He is putting more hours in than usual. So, he called me this week, telling me he talked to our neighbor, who is a teacher at his school and one of the kindest women I have ever met. She wants to help me next week…to babysit Cedar a few hours a day so I can go to the cafe and get my work done. I completely feel safe with her. Her and her sister (who is a nurse and also our neighbor…score!) have both watched Cedar when he was an infant so that Boho Boy and I could go out on a date. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this myself. I love my husband for thinking of it for me.

I was chatting with a dear friend the other day. I admire how she nurtures her children and she has been a mother a lot longer than me. Because her and I are so much a like, I go to her often, among others in my life. During our chat, I felt like she gave me permission to admit that this age Cedar is at is hard (15 months – 21 months) and that at times, sanity can feel pretty wobbly. I cried when she said this because it is my truth. Its so many beautiful things but what makes it hard for me is that he cannot fully communicate to me what his needs are and I cannot fully communicate to him what mine are. We communicate in other ways but you know what I mean. I can tell his brain is ahead of his bod and his desires and he often gets frustrated that he cannot do or say what he wants to. For someone like me, who tends to be a fixer (like my husband) and a peace-maker, it goes against my nature to not be able to solve these things for Cedar. Because of this, it is a constant lesson and a practice in letting go and loving. I know each stages of our children’s lives bring these lessons and there will be a constant exercise in releasing rather than resisting.  We are being gentle with the process.

So, I welcome this time next week…to reconnect with my creative side and replenish so that I can be more present and patient.

I have a dread post coming up! I am just waiting to get some current photos of my hair down to share with you to go along with my words. My hair is always up right now and that is because I live with a toddler and if I wore it down, my locks would be full of food and snot and poo. ; )

So many of you asked about my dread journey and you’re right…I haven’t talked about it in a long while. Its time my locks get some attention and energy!

Affirmation for this weekend:  I am enough.  Cedar is enough.  Boho Boy is enough.  YOU are enough.  

Blessings for your weekend.  Om shanti.

Love,
Boho

ps. thank you all for contributing your thoughts on my parenting style post. i am learning so much from all of you and those things that make my heart sing are what i am going to marinate on for my own journey.

This really moved me today…I found it through a friend.

Deep breaths.
Patience.
Connecting.
Time…a lot of time.
Opening perspective.
Communication.
Recognizing needs…theirs and yours.
Exploring hearts.

Connecting, connecting, connecting to our children.