Boho Girl

boho boy & me yesterday in downtown victoria

7 years ago today, I married my Love. The two of us in front of our dearest loved ones, on a cliff by the sea, our hands tied together with a rope in ceremony.

This weekend, we took Cedar to where we honeymooned: Victoria, B.C., Canada. Many times when sitting on the window seat of the hotel where we stayed 7 years ago, we said to Cedar…“this is where you were conceived”. That is where Boho Boy would sit and look three stories down to the street, watch the passersby and dream up what kind of life we wanted together, what kind of family we imagined having.  Having Cedar here with us was surreal and full circle.

Happy Anniversary my love, my knight, my best friend.

Here are two photos from said date with husband:

{him sober, me not…taken with iPhone4}

Bonus Cedar photo. Today he wanted two ponytails on his head. He got them. ; )

We also found him digging in my make-up bag yesterday and applying blush to his cheeks. And when we go to the toy store, the child size car he wants to sit on is the Barbie jeep. Awesome. ; ) He is madly in love with trains, planes and automobiles and loves to wrestle. I love and celebrate his balance of feminine and masculine energies. There are no boxes we will put him in as far as gender goes!

I don’t feel very inspiring when it comes to this particular Valentines Day. I was away from home all week in a hotel with a microwave. So, I didn’t bake any Valentine cookies or do any heart crafts like many of my loves did. In fact, this morning while waking up, wiping my eyes and shuffling my feet out to the kitchen, I kissed my Boho Hubby goodbye with a fuzzy dreaded head and we both forgot to wish one another a Happy Valentines Day. Uninspiring indeed.

What I do know is that I love my husband so true and it feels so damn good to feel safely loved by him. We’re in a bit of a romantic funk with all that is going on, which both of us have gently talked about. When we discuss this, defenses don’t come up because we are aware and admit that both of us equally need to put more intention into romance. I have a girlfriend that has a marriage I deeply admire. She once told me that when her children turned about three years old, she found both her and her husband feeling more sexy and wanton because their children were a bit more independent, so they had more time to focus on their relationship. I don’t mean I am comparing myself to other marriages as just like people, all relationships hold their own kind of beauty and romance and life together. But it of course give me comfort to know others ebb and flow just as we do (with children or not).

We know we need to make time for just him and I and we are planning on getting a babysitter to go to a romantic Moroccan restaurant next weekend…sitting on silk pillows and eating with our fingers. YUM.

But for now, during this lovers holiday, just feeling loved for being wholly me is enough. To me, the sweet small things he does for both Cedar and I on a daily basis holds more value than a Valentine’s card or a box of chocolates or a bouquet of flowers. Like last night when I was in the kitchen, wearing sweats and feeling smelly, cutting a pizza slice into tiny pieces for Cedar to eat and he came up behind me and kissed my neck telling me I looked sexy. Then later when he sacrificed watching his beloved hockey game for us to watch a family film together because that is what Cedar wanted.

Perhaps next year we will be about pink and red this or that. But this year, its about getting through the day and holding one another close when Cedar has finally fallen asleep for the night, and feeling safely loved in one another’s arms.

my boys, august break #30

Boho Boy walking.
Boho Baby skipping.

Last night after tucking Cedar into bed, we cuddled on the couch to finish this film.  Boho Boy’s forearm has been in some pain from being a computer nerd-genius, so I grabbed some lavender oil and massaged it. I realized that it has been a long time since I have nurtured him in this way.  Our energies are so poured into our growing-by-the-second toddler, that at the end of the day, we can barely keep our eyes open.  It felt so good to be present with one another last night.  While rubbing the knots out of his arm, so many thoughts ran through my head:  I need to kiss him more, hug him more, stroke his hair, listen more intently…the way I did before Cedar came into our lives.  Between us, it has always been the small sentiments that brought us closer and deeper together.  Every single one of my friends that have young children are on this same journey of balancing energy towards your child, as well as your relationship.  I am so grateful Boho Boy and I are constantly communicating and reassuring, so that it doesn’t escalate to those dark and scary waters of losing one another.  I am grateful that we are both patient with this process and don’t have a lot of expectations right now.  Funny how something as simple as an arm massage will bring all of this to surface.  We have a romantic date planned soon.  A gift from my parents for our anniversary.  I am dreaming of finger foods, sangria, cushy couches and funky music.

Would love to hear how you stayed connected to your partner during the early days of parenting…

josh & jessamyn, canon 50d ~ august break #15

Spent some time on the beach with these beauties yesterday.

us on the beach, canon 50d ~ august break #14

Six years ago today, I married you on a cliff, with crashing waves below (and two nuns in their habits that decided to stop, sit and watch amongst our family, friends and passers by).

I remember waking up that morning snuggled up to one of my girlfriends in the loft and my other friend running up to us from the master bedroom downstairs and all of us giggling and them asking if I was nervous. I remember not feeling an ounce of nervousness and I thought that spoke volumes. I was just so certain and all I felt was ready.

You had gotten up really early and went swimming in the ocean with your brother. Then you spent the majority of the morning helping to decorate our wedding site. You knew it was important to me that it was just as we had envisioned. A garden faerie wedding. I heard from everyone that you worked so, so hard and kept everyone laughing. I asked you if you had wished you got a massage or did more swimming or kayaking or playing with your friends.  You told me you didn’t want to be anywhere else.  How many men would do this on their wedding day?

One of the most special moments to me was when after a long, gorgeous, dreamy wedding day, we were in our honeymoon suite by the sea and there I was laying with my white lingerie on the bed and you stood in front of me with your khaki linen pants and your white linen shirt unbuttoned and your eyes filled with tears, telling me I was so beautiful. Tears fell from my eyes because I knew you were not just speaking of my outward beauty. I pulled you down and we held one another and cried a bit and I felt my heart take flight. I didn’t know what I did to have a man like you in my life. A man that can be a bit private with his emotions to others, yet from day one, freely allowed me to explore so deep into the layers of who you are.

Today, six years later, we are constantly exploring. Just last night we made sure to talk through some emotional terrain in a way that opened up doors to one another rather than close them. These times create even more space for you and our love in my heart. Spaces I didn’t know were there but must have always been reserved just for you.

Happy Anniversary.

I love you, my Mr. Kroon.