Boho Girl

I am sitting here tucked into the corner of my fabric covered couch with the filtered light from the clouds outside the window warming my cheeks. I know I promised a continuation post from my previous dread-cutting-brushing video but the Universe had other plans. We all caught a few local buggies going around town. First a chest cold and then a stomach flu. As much as there are many reasons it is hard when everyone in the house is sick at the same time, there is also something a bit romantic about it. We’re given this permission to stay in our jammy-jams all day and snuggle on the couch for hours at a time and let the chores go just for a few days. We curl up and read or watch films we’d otherwise not make time for. Each of us taking turns at being nurses for one another. Then we are forced at times to be utterly selfless. When all you want to do is lay in bed under the covers, there are others more in need that you must tend to. Its a practice in love, absolute utter love.

With all of this slowing down, I have done almost nothing with my short nubbed out dreadlocks. I have only been able to brush out 10 of them in the front. I am brushing from the front to the back. My head has been achy for about a week with both bugs hitting me hard, so I needed to leave it alone. But most importantly, I really want to be in a space of feeling present and with full intention when I brush them out one by one…because it is all part of the journey for me. A way to savor. That is my word for “slow” these days as I have always known I go about things slowly. And at times in the past, it was made into something wrong about me by myself or others. Now I just embrace that I love to savor what is in front of me.

I will continue with my dread journey in the next post but until then, here are a few images of the last few days that I wanted to share…

Oh how I wish I looked THIS cute after I vomited…

What happens when you mix long hair with a remote controlled flying helicopter…

So, note to self…when playing with helicopter, wear Cedarbun…

And…my phone broke to pieces and I didn’t have it for a few weeks but felt so blessed to find out we were able to upgrade to a iPhone 4S! But look at my yummy new bamboo Deer cover from Grove…{sigh}…

{thank you to Sus for guiding me to Grove. she is my go to friend for gorgeous gadgets}

{scarves worn by me, cedar and eugene the snowman were made by my sister Pamela. fingerless gloves from sundance}

I have only been in the snow a handful of times in my life. The first time I touched snow I think I was about 5 years old. We lived in the bay area in California near San Francisco, so it was a very very rare thing to happen in our neighborhood. But it did. Once in the 25 years that I lived there. I think we went up to the snow in Nevada once as a family (we were more about Summer camping in the woods). And with my girlfriends, I went up to Tahoe a few times, trying to learn how to ski and failing miserably. Then once in Tahoe with my boyfriend in my late twenties, to learn how to snowboard. Ouch. But fun. Especially because that day the sun came out and it was surreal to be snowboarding down a hill with the sun shining on my face (when it wasn’t planted in the snow). When I lived in Dallas for four years in my twenties, it lightly snowed once and was only on the side of the road in dirty chunks. The last time I saw snow was in Victoria, B.C…when my husband and I went there for Thanksgiving the year before Cedar was born. To soothe our achy hearts. It was an unexpected snow storm and we were held there a few days longer (darn) and many stores closed down because they were not prepared (they had one snow plow in whole city). I sat up on the window seat on the 3rd floor of our hotel watching the snowflakes for hours. It was so meditative for me.  It moves me into a safe cocoon.

All this to say, snow is so very precious to me. And I really know nothing about how to live in it, which my husband finds amusing since he grew up with snowed in winters in Ontario, Canada. Last week, we were so blessed to have a handful of days blanketed in snow. We hear that snowfall that actually stays on the ground in our seaside village is a rare thing, so we marinated in it deep. It was such a dream for me…to see neighbors sledding down our street at night. And us as a family sledding down a hill at the park down the street. Boho Boy teaching us how to make a snowman and then me noticing snowmen on every corner. It was surreal, really…and perfect for what I needed.

Being “snowed in” is a bit how I feel right now. Even though the snow has melted. I am pulling in deep and feeling the permission to do so without guilt. There are a lot of emotions I am sitting with, a lot of transition and transformation going on inside of me. I haven’t been able to put it into words but I feel the words coming. Just being in it is what I have allowed to happen. Not really naming it but just letting whatever it is move through me. There has been a lot of change for me in the past few years and with it, I have changed and I am now beginning to find my footing so that I can walk forward into my Heart Quest. I have more to share on this. And perhaps even a video of some good stuff that is coming in my life.

The sun just came out through the window, brushing the side of my cheek. The sun. Another rare thing in these parts during this time of year. I better step outside, breathe deep and drink up its medicine.

I never thought I would enjoy baking. Being born with Celiac, gluten free baked goods as a child were not ready available to me and if they were, they tasted like sawdust. So, I grew to not have cravings for things like cakes and cookies, muffins and pies. I didn’t have a deep desire to bake…ever…until now. Now that my son is old enough to stand on a stool and help me stir the batter and to squat with him in front of the oven with the light on to watch them expand and then to see his pride when he takes his first bite, into the muffin he helped make. Well, it adds a whole new life to the world of baking for me. Now that we are all fortunate that grocery/health food stores carry gluten free goodies, it makes it a bit easier for newbies like me who want to put on the apron and play. The muffins above are made from Pamela’s Baking & Pancake Mix. I added half a banana (mushed) and thinly diced zucchini and carrot to the muffin recipe. It is moist and divine and a great way to nourish my boy with veggies snuck in. I replace sugar with local honey and it doesn’t need much. YUM.

Living here, I feel inspired again in so many ways. I feel connected to nature in a way that I haven’t felt in so long. I am deeply grateful when I wake up in the morning that we are able to offer Cedar a whole new world. As he discovers, we rediscover.

snuggled with my niece angela and her fiance jon in the morning before they headed back home to san francisco. what a magical and emotional engagement photo session with them. i am still coasting on the sweetness and so grateful i was a wee part in their new journey. in this photo, cedar was doing what he does with his charming, quirky ways. ; )

after they left, cedar and i went down to the bay near our home and watched birds walking on the mossy mud that blankets the bay when the tide is really low.

my boys and i decided to spent a few hours in fairhaven at a bookstore, eating ice cream cones and then hanging out behind the bookstore with a few of cedar’s new trains.

here he is chilling out on the brick floor resting in between choo choo train fun.

here are my boys walking down to the water to light a few fireworks. i haven’t done this since i was young. it will be cedar’s first time seeing it this close.  yes, that is a sasquatch (yeti) on carsten’s hemp hoodie.  both of my boys are obsessed with sasquatch.  cedar now has a sasquatch call that he does when we are in the forest.  awesome. ; )

cedar gasped and talked about the stars shooting in the sky all night long.

mmmmmagic.

i can’t believe how full my days are here. with a backyard (haven’t had one in 10 years) and the forest and ocean, trails and creeks surrounding us, most of the hours of our days are spent outside. we come in for potty, snack, meals and sleeping. and because it stays light so late here, we are all going to bed VERY late and waking up VERY late. there was a time when we had a schedule and it worked for us but right now, we are just going with the flow. sort of like when you’re on vacation and all of the schedules and must-do’s aren’t gripping you. you feel free and you just move with what feels right. i wonder if it will stay like this for a long time, this feeling. or i wonder if we will somehow fall into a rhythm with our days. for now, i am not questioning. i am just soaking all of this up like a thirsty sponge.

do these images whisper what it is i am feeling?

{yummy clothing giveaway coming soon}

I think I’ve been quiet here because I’ve been in a space of observing and listening. I suppose I feel a bit awed. Okay, a lot awed by our surroundings. Including what goes on inside of my home and the intimacy I am feeling with my boys. Right now Cedar is sleeping on our couch near me in a ball of sunlight shining through our window. I can see the shadows of dragonfly lights that we have hung on our windows on his face. Cedar has never slept anywhere but his bed or our bed. There is a peace dwelling here that we have not felt in so long.

Yesterday we took a trail that is a few streets down in our neighborhood. It led us to an old farm that sits up on a tall hill overlooking the bay and an island and the mountains. We laid out a blanket. We ate. We did more breathing and listening than talking. Our bodies were close. We held one another. Boho Boy’s hand reached for mine if Cedar was between us. I write this with a tear in my eye. So much healing. We’ve had a rough few years. I can feel it slowly melting, walls peeling and a soft underbelly feeling less afraid to exist without so much protectiveness.

The home we are in is so special. The old man that lived here before us left a legacy it seems. Our neighbors talk of him fondly and it warms my heart that they are embracing us in this home. It seems they were waiting for people to live within these walls that captured the spirit of the man who once lived here. One of our favorite neighbors, a new friend of mine, has won my heart. She is moving soon and told me she now feels safe leaving this sweet village knowing that our family will continue to live and breathe the magic of this neighborhood. For nine years I lived in a place where I felt a bit misunderstood and here, within a few short days, I am wrapped up by souls that I feel speak the language of my heart.

{when finishing this post, i thought i would take a photo of cedar sleeping…}