Boho Girl

Oh how I adore this image of my marmie and me.  My beautiful French Canadian mama.

Today I am going to share one of my most precious memories of her growing up. Every Spring, I would come in from outside with swollen itchy eyes because I was terribly allergic to pollen.  She would lay my head in her lap and put a damp cold cloth on my eyes and then gently rub my cheeks and my forehead to soothe my sinuses.  She would do this whenever I needed and for a very long time until the ache went away.  I loved those moments with her so so much and I think about them often, especially during Spring when I come in from outside with puffy eyes.  Just her and I laying there in quiet and feeling her soft fingers go round in gentle circles, smelling her musty lotion, hearing the rhythm of her breath. Oh how very safe I felt.  Safe and loved.

What is  one of the most precious memories you hold close of your mother?

I simply adore this capture of my sweet boys. It was morning and the sun was coming through the window. Cedar put the song “All Together Now” by the Beatles on the iPad and asked Boho Boy to dance with him. This is a regular occurrence but I rarely get a chance to capture it because I join in.

I love their connection. They share a similar sense of humor and it makes for a house full of a lot of laughter. My husband is that person that uses his wit and humor to ease tense situations and I am beginning to see Cedar doing that as well.

For example:  Its not easy to get Cedar out of the bathtub when he is so into his watery world. Boho Boy finds ways to creatively inspire Cedar’s feet to step out of the tub. A few nights ago, Cedar was playing with the cow (below) in the water and named it “Cow-shark”. So Carsten gently grabbed it and said “Cow-shark is going to get youuuuu!” and out hopped Cedar out of the tub and they ran around the house; Cow-shark chasing Cedar as a trail of wet drenched our hardwood floor. Whatever it took!  So later that evening, Boho Boy left us for a bit to ran some errands and decided to take a photo of Cow-shark wherever he went. Cedar could barely breathe he was laughing so hard when I showed him daddy’s photos via text message.

Introducing, Cow-shark {taken by Boho Boy’s phone}…

a walk in my sister’s almond orchard

In Blackwater Woods

“Look, the trees
are turning
their own bodies
into pillars

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.”

~ Mary Oliver, New and Selected Poems, Vol. 1

**************

Words from Mary that have reached deep inside my bones and offered my heart rest this week. This indeed has been a year of burning fires within and rivers of loss, only to find salvation, find my TRUTH on the other side. Its been a year of holding close to my bosom and clinging onto those last strings of hope and then, letting go of that which I love deeply but doesn’t serve my heart. And yes every year of my life is filled with this but this past year seemed to be that of deeper layers of burning, raging, surrendering and flowing with it all. Perhaps because it wasn’t just about me but also about my son, who I am so deeply connected to and being along side his own journey. It was about the growing pains of my husband and I learning to be his advocate by paying attention to, listening to, protecting and honoring his unique rhythm despite the selflessness this would require, despite the judgment of some that we trusted with our vulnerability.

Its been deeply humbling and empowering to find my own voice, for myself and as a mother. It didn’t come simply for a people-pleaser like me. This past year I’ve had a greater awareness of how deeply I desire to be liked and loved and accepted by all that come into my life and when I am not, it causes self doubt. I’ve seen clearer how these parts of myself led me to putting others needs and ideas before mine or my family in a damaging and unhealthy way. I’m slowly breaking free from those peacemaker ways. I am still nurturing the pieces left by gently putting myself back together again, with tenderness and a gentle wildness, as I rise and stand firmer and firmer, taller and taller.

In all the books I’ve read about parenting a child with unique needs, one thing that is consistent is the importance of circling you and your child with those that trust, honor and respect your choices and desire the same for your child that you do. I am so deeply blessed that this journey with Cedar has attracted a gentle circle of supportive souls around us.

I know all parents travel this journey within their own unique stories. Our children inspire us to find our own voices, inspire us to trust our own intuition and to let go of that which doesn’t bring peace into our lives. This is how they teach us.

sunbeams, blossoms and healing

Yesterday my boys and I took the ferry over to Lummi Island. Its such an enchanting and magical place. When we spend time there, we continue to find such beautiful offerings from the sea: stones, shell pieces, sea glass, colorful seaweed and driftwood. I plan to create a couple of art pieces from our finds for our home and also will send pieces to some dear ones in my life. Oh how I enjoy those moments when my boys and I are side by side but in our own little creative zone, listening to the shore coming in and gazing at the mist surrounding. This is one of my most favorite places.

New Years Eve is tomorrow and as it approaches, I find myself moving into this new space, new age of consciousness with a deeper awareness of self, of my family and each of our needs. 2012 for me was a time to cocoon with my family, to let go of so much in my life that didn’t feel in alignment with what me or my family needed and to keep it simple by being as present as I could for my boys. This meant being away from the screen as much as possible and close to nature and flesh. It meant remembering how life flowed before social media and finding a rhythm that felt safer and cozier for my heart in regards to how, why, what and with whom I shared my heart. It was my year of quiet, gentle, safe, listening, paying deep attention and inner, inner, inner work.

All of this leads me to my next post to come (in a few days) written by both me and a dear soul in my life. We talk about walking through darkness and what darkness means for each of us. A different perspective on it entirely. Both her and I let go of so much in our life in 2012: ways of feeling, thinking and believing, relationships and social medias, that no longer felt life bringing and with that there is grief and longing and unraveling and renewing and rebirthing. I look forward to sharing it with you.

Until then, I will think of all of you as me and my boys and my dear brother in law and his new wife gather around the bonfire on New Years Eve as the moon and stars shine down on us and we let go, let go, let go and create intentions for 2013.

Boho Brother got married!!

I have a feeling hearts will be breaking all over blogland. ; ) We’ve received so many lovely and brave emails over the years from blog readers confessing their crushes on our dear Boho Bro. We fully understood why as his energy can be felt even across the screen. I’ve been honored to be his sister and witness the unique and beautiful soul he is. He’s taken such gentle care of himself out in the woods, communing in nature over the last handful of years and has finally found an earth goddess to join him. To frolic free in Mother Nature, create art with natural elements and be each other’s soul medicine. They refer to themselves as the “dragonfly couple” because of their connection to dragonflies. I adore that so.

The ceremony was yesterday, on Christmas Eve in the afternoon up top a waterfall in the woods. Boho Boy was the officiant, which made it so deeply special for each of us. Very intimate, earthy, simple and spiritual. Boho Bro made his bride a nature crown. She tied a feather into his hair. He surprised her with fairy dust to sprinkle around them. They faced North, South, East and West. They drank water from the rushing waterfall behind them in the raven cups we gave them as a gift. They surrounded themselves in clam shells they found around our bay and used them as tea light holders. The shells were sent back to the elements by Boho Bro setting them free to swim down the waterfall when the ceremony was finished. We shared German champagne from their mother and toasted to their father whose own free spirit would have been so proud of this moment. Mmmmm…

But my favorite moment was when he howled at the moon as she wept and giggled into his shoulder. So organic and true.

And it was FREEZING and they were barefoot and I love them for that. ; )

We wanted to share this precious gift with you in the spirit of Christmas. Merry Christmas to all. Warmth, peace and a covering of unconditional love to each of you and your families.

Just wanted to share some images of the last few weeks. Really sinking into this season. Cocooning within the warmth of our home. I am so dearly in love with our sweet little Christmas tree. Its my favorite of all.

Been preparing our hearts and home for our dear brother (Boho Brother) to come out for two weeks with his love. It will be my first time meeting her in the flesh. Such a special time with them as we get to share Solstice, a full moon, Christmas and New Years together!

Omi left a few days ago and was here for a week. We are so grateful how our family is so sensitive to Cedar’s need for less crowded spaces. At my sister’s farm during Thanksgiving, we were given a huge beautiful room upstairs to go to when he needed quiet and my mother in law opted to come out earlier in December so that Cedar would have more space throughout holiday visits. I am moved to tears by our family and their support this year.

I would love to hear your plans for Solstice, Christmas and New years.