Boho Girl

{some birthday love & breakfast in bed for him}

My love’s first birthday in our new yellow cottage. So much to celebrate. We are finally beginning to settle. Just a few boxes to unpack. My sister is coming on Monday, so her visit motivated me to focus on creating a space that is nourishing for all of us.

I am moved so deeply how this cottage immediately felt like hOMe. Like we have spent years here before. I feel so drawn into these walls, almost as if I can feel its heart beat and my heart expand along with it. I think subconsciously I was never able to fully root myself into our darling blue cottage and now it feels more clear to me why. To all of us.

Stories to share here very soon. One that is one of the most beautiful moments of my life: two friends…Katie & Lisa doing a Buddhist ceremony for our home as me and my two boys cuddled on the bed and witnessed something so surreal and peaceful unfold.

But first…happy birthday to my dream boat.

{my boys eating breakfast and telling stories on one of our first mornings here}

From blue house to yellow house we go!!

Also wanted to share an interview I did this week here.

Blessings.

Summer solstice. Mmmmm…Summer SOULstice.

The rays of the Sun are warming our skin today. Pulsing through us the life, the comfort, the warmth, the healing into our bones.

This week has been full for us. We are moving into the yellow house and since the new home is so near, we have spent time walking things over one by one. Last night I pulled Cedar’s red wagon back and forth full of books to fill up the library. Oh, there is a library! An octagon shaped room, every wall lined with book shelves. This will be Boho Boy’s office but our massive collection of books will find home there. Tomorrow is the moving truck and so it begins…a new beginning…once again.

On this Solstice, I am taking pause in the midst of the chaos. Stepping out to let the Sun, the Sol, wrap me up and let the grass growing so quickly from its rays tickle my toes. This day has such divine timing for me. I needed a reason to be reminded to stand still, just as the Sun does on this day.

There has been so much transformation in my life since moving here. Much of it has come from me pulling back, hushing the noise and allowing my heart to speak to me and honor its guidance. This quiet has been healing but it can also feel lonely at times. I know it is my choice. And it is my choice because I began to recognize how overwhelming the internet and social media were feeling to me. How I felt pulled in so many directions and it would cause me distraction from my present home life. At times I felt the pressure to be louder than I am when what my heart needs at this time in my life is a soft and gentle place to land. I just came to an awareness that I am deeply sensitive to energies and whether they are in person or on the web, I still feel them intensely. So in order to do my personal soul work through this, I needed quiet. I feel like I am almost there. I am learning so much about what I need. What feels good in my heart and what doesn’t. I feel I am able to listen to my intuition more keenly. Learning how to love who I am and how I am and come to a place where I can exist a gentle warrior in a fiercer world. But the process hasn’t been easy. It has been laden with spiraling down into self doubt, second guessing, comparison and rejection. All the icky hurty mucky stuff that surfaces when you are cleansing and clearing your life of things that are not healthy for you. I suppose I could compare it to the symptoms of a detox but one of the heart. The energy it took to decipher which voices were my truth and which were not felt massive but this burden is lifting and my heart is opening.

Yesterday afternoon when my boys went on an errand, I sat on the bottom of our steps. I took some deep breaths and reveled in the quiet of my home, looked around at what we had created and allowed the tears to fall. As we are packing up this beautiful cottage and starting new, it feels so much in alignment with how my heart feels. I let my eyes drift to the branch lightly tapping the window in front of me and the Sun shining through the leaves. I prayed in that moment. I heard myself say “I cannot do this alone” and I rested my head on the wall beside me on the stairwell. I felt like it was a surrender. I’ve pulled in deep and it was needed. Now I feel like I am ready and slowly open to trust again and believe that I can create an environment for me and my family that feels nourishing in love, light and spirit. That I can listen more intently if something doesn’t feel right without the pressure to make it work just because my heart is so tender and big. I can channel that tenderness and bigness into those that truly see me and can offer this tenderness back. I can channel it into peaceful endeavors that breathe life into me not take energy from me. It is possible.

I went out to our backyard and this deer was sitting there…

This friend did not move when I approached. I walked towards it gently, wondering if it would run but it just sat there, staring into my eyes. I paused and breathed in and thanked the deer for reminding me. Ah yes, this is my Year of the Deer. My year of gentleness. I talked to the deer for a while, it tilted its head. I moved closer and it got up but it didn’t run out of our yard through the large hole in the fence between us and our neighbor. It walked around the yard close to me. I walked in a circle and it walked in the circle with me. It felt like a dance of sorts. And I wondered if what the deer was telling me was that I will be surrounded by this energy if I remain clear that it is what I need.

Later in the evening a few gentle souls reached out to me out of the blue.  I didn’t realize how much I needed that connection. I shared with one of them about the deer and she responded…“see. that is the real stuff. that is what helps define you. that beauty that is your being.”  and again…tears fell.

All I had to whisper from my lips at the bottom of those steps was…“I cannot do this alone…”.

Mmmmm…Summer Solstice, deer visits and warmth from loved ones. Such divine timing.

happy father’s day!

xo

{her beautiful book, all photos in this post are by susannah}

7-ish years ago, I remember laying with Susannah, side by side, my limbs curled up to her limbs, dreaming about how her journey through grief and healing needed to be put out into the world. I knew from her first brave blog post that her stories would be beautifully bound for many to hold in their hands and press gently against their hearts. Yes, a book that all who knew and loved her were certain she needed to write. And she did. And its here. And its launched! And my happiness for her is permeating from me.

Susannah has done a fun and exciting blog book tour (before she goes on her in the flesh book tour) and this space of mine is one of her stops. We decided to do a Skype interview to share a bit about her book with all of you but rather what ended up happening is us dancing down memory lane. We decided to go with the flow of our conversation and keep it down to earth, real…because that is truly the energy and vibe throughout her whole book.

In this clip, we talk about how we first met and how that was the catalyst to her beginning her own blog and how the healing process of writing and sharing her self inspired the beautiful journey she is living.

{here is the post Susannah refers to when she reached out to me the first time}

My heart feels full. As I said during our Skype session, it has been such an honor to witness her unraveling from the very raw beginning of days until the present. To witness her channel her grief, healing, self discovery and creative awakening into inspiring others to find their own way has been one of the most sacred gifts in my life. I feel a bit like a proud sister and with a lump in my throat and such deep love in my heart for her, I encourage each of you to pour through her pages. What I love most about this journey for Susannah is she never pretends to have arrived. Through her teachings and inspirations, she is constantly right beside all of us, learning and growing as she continues to unravel just like me and you.

You may order the book through Susannah’s website by clicking here. There are links on the page to Amazon (US, UK and Canada), Barnes & Noble and Chapters. Her book is also available at your local bookstore. Other places you can connect to Susannah is on her website, her ground-breaking e-courses, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest & Instagram.

{jon & angela ~ boho photo engagement session, 2011}

There are a few elements to my photography that I see myself exploring. I have held a vision for quite some time. These elements, these parts of me perhaps yet to fully unfold, a slow slimmer, like most of my dreams. I close my eyes and can feel my fingers interweaving an exploration of love and spirituality and imagery and a journey shared amongst open raw hearts.

I don’t know exactly what it is yet but much of this dream was inspired by the engagement session I did for my niece and her fiance last year. I had yet to capture romantic love in an intimate setting with my lens, so I was deeply honored they chose me to humbly sit back and just observe the way their hearts beat together.

In just a few days, these two beautiful people will be married. My boys and I soon fly out to California to be a witness and my heart is full of emotion. Angela (Cedar calls her Auntie La La) is so very dear to me, a kindred spirit and a soul friend. She is the daughter of my sister Darlene, who is ten years older than me, so her children feel like my brother and sister. I remember sitting across from Angela years ago when her heart was broken and this very warm and calm feeling moved through me, a knowing that she would find someone so deeply special. Someone that would see her, truly see her and honor her deeply.

A few years later, Boho Boy and I were the first in the family to meet Jon after they were dating for a while. We were house sitting for a friend in San Francisco and since they lived there, we met them for dinner. I remember opening the door to this strikingly beautiful man but what put me immediately at ease was the kindness in his eyes. He hugged me tight and it felt like home.   I sat back and observed him with her, with my husband and felt such a deep comfort and trust…that he would carry Angela’s heart in a way I knew it was meant to be carried. I feel so emotional writing about this.  As my sister Darlene would say…Angela has found her penguin.

I would love if any of you feel inspired to do so, to share in this space a little slice of wisdom for this married couple to be. Or even just a love story of your own with a nugget of sage they can carry with them for their journey ahead.  This space is very near and dear to Angela’s heart.  I know she will be here listening and honoring.