Boho Girl

We are nearing towards the end. Almost our whole life in boxes. Everyone’s emotions ebbing and flowing. Moving your bodies and things into a brand new home in a brand new State takes purging to a whole new level. Not just the physical purging but the emotional kind. I’ve been finding old letters and photos and reading through old journal entries. I have found folders filled with paperwork from doctors and acupuncturists regarding our fertility journey. Folders filled with every single piece of the adoption pie. Memories…memories that these four walls held sometimes gently, other times fiercely. I am grateful for all of it. I am also weary of it and ready to move forward from what has begun to feel like being a bit stuck. We’re all sensing the forward movement. We’re feeling the peeling, the opening, the readying for something we’ve been craving for ages. Inspiration is beginning to weave back into our thoughts. Yesterday I was sitting on the kitchen floor, cleaning out what was underneath our kitchen sink. Listening to Mindy Gledhill’s album Anchor and swaying back and forth. Singing. Laughing. Feeling so much Joy. Today I sat in that same spot after my husband and son left for an hour. As soon as they walked out the door, I wept in my hands. Feeling really raw today and weary and trying not to question it all. Probably overwhelm. Probably not getting enough sleep. Probably stress and worry. Or perhaps just RELEASE. I find it interesting how much I am vacillating.

Been thinking a lot about my family. That love is so solid and constant, no matter what absolute crazy is going on…I think of my mother and father…my two sisters…my nieces and nephews…my mother in law and Boho Bro and I just want to send them love right now. I wish I could float to each of them in a tiny bubble and offer them the peace and joy that bubbles bring to Cedar. In times of big transition, you hold onto what feels constant and true.

I may be offline for a few weeks. I may not. I will try to post little photos and stories but I know my life is about to be such a whirl wind of NEW. Cedar’s been able to work through all the chaos in a way that has surprised each of us. He is bending and flowing and then melting like we’ve never seen him melt before. Packing has been slower because of this. We pack a box and then we sit with him and stay present. We pack a box, then we play with him. We pack a box and we hold him. I have learned that he is more peaceful with order. Its so interesting to see their personalities evolving. The other day he picked up a crumpled up paper and walked into the kitchen and placed it in the waste basket. He did it again with a piece of fruit he was done with. Again and again. I see him put away his toys when he wants to play with another. This is all new and fascinating. So we are trying our best to maintain order in the chaos so that he can feel some normalcy through it all.  Although I know I cannot carry everything and that chaos will happen and he will melt again and that is when I take deep breaths and sit on the floor and laugh or sway or cry or do both at once.  Transition is big.  Emotions through transition are big.  Time to leave our safe cocoon and stretch our wings and fly like three beautiful butterflies.  We might start out wobbly…but oh how the flight will feel GOOD.

Bubbles…ahhh…bubbles. How I would love to take a ride in a bubble tonight.

our medicine bundles, taken with iPhone & applied Instagram app filter

My wee family is feeling the healing balm of Pixie’s medicine bundles she left for each of us during a visit last weekend.  Pixie had asked me and Boho Boy to look at her shop and read through the medicine bundles to see which one we felt pulled to.  I chose the Bear medicine bundle and he chose the Horse.  I have had a few encounters with bears that felt surprisingly gentle and right now, in the midst of chaos, I am craving gentleness around me.  The first encounter I had with a bear was while leading a night hike in the woods of Sonora with a group of 4th and 5th graders.  We could see (and hear) a silhouette of a cub following us a few trees away and the mother protectively walking near.  The other leaders were trying to hide their fear but I remember feeling a peace about that closeness.  Almost as if the mama bear and I were communicating.  Another time was when I was staying overnight in Yosemite and my friends and I were sitting around a campfire.  A brown bear walked right through our campsite and brushed up against me and only me.  Again, I didn’t feel afraid.  I felt wildly comforted by its touch.

Pixie wasn’t surprised I felt drawn to the Bear medicine bundle…saying that I remind her of a nurturing mama bear, among other things.  But when Boho Boy chose the Horse bundle, I was so curious what it was that drew him to it.  He later shared with me that it was the spirit of his father that helped him decide to quit his day job and move to Washington.  His father was always so clear and adamant about his boys following their dreams and not settling for a life of material things but rather living from the heart, even if that means humble surroundings.  I think he did a lot of consulting with his father over this decision and whenever he gets afraid, he remembers what his father would say.  Since his father has passed away, we’ve had the birth of our son, as well as this move to a place his father would SO approve of.  I know at times like this, the grief can feel stronger than others.  But since the Horse bundle has been near Boho Boy, I have seen parts of his creative soul surface that have been put aside for a long while.  He has been inspired about getting back to woodworking and practicing much of what his father taught him.

So we are now giddily sharing ideas about furniture we’d like to make or re-finish.  Dreams of trips to yard and estate sales or flea markets and filling our home with pieces transformed by our own hands.  I have absolutely no doubt that Pixie’s bundles and the love, intention and thoughtfulness she put into them have so much to do with this shifting in our hearts.  I make sure to place them in a room where we are while packing and Boho Boy plans to bring his Horse bundle with him on the road trip to Washington the first week of May.  He will be driving the moving truck for about 4 days while Cedar and I fly out to be with the family for a few days.  Then Cedar and I fly from Northern California into Seattle to meet Boho Boy and we will drive to our new home together for the first time.Cedar has a medicine bundle too…custom made…to help him through this transition.  I so encourage you to look through her shop and see if your heart pulls you towards her gift, her medicine of the earth and animal.

Now, onto last week’s Sponsor GIVEaway.

To me, everyone is a winner for sharing such beautiful sentiments.  But you know how it goes.  So, here are the winners of the amazing gifts from the Guides of Serendipity Retreats. You will be contacted via email by the artist. Congrats!

Winner of Pixie Campbell’s “Call of the Wild” signed 8.5 x 11 fine art print:
Martha who wrote;   “Serendipity is reading these beautiful words at just the right time – today – right now- my life is uncertain, a lot of comments that have been made are already in my heart. I am in transition and am so unsure but open and am listening to those whispers of those angels who have presented themselves to me – just as I was told that they would..my path is not clear and I am trying to live like the wolf , in the present, acutely aware, always alert to what may be presented to me – serendipity is my hope – and all these words and these posts bring it home to me and rest in my heart to show me that I am not alone on my path ….the wolf is an image that I need to remember in order to stay alive and be wild and free …”

Winner of  a signed copy of Kate Inglis’s book The Dread Crew:
Renee who wrote:;  “Balance…..I can never seem to get it on purpose, or keep it…..so it is rather serendipitous to me at this point in my life…..I am torn between the rocks and The Wild….but I choose The Wild as I need to leave fear behind and move forward into my future!!! xoxo”

Winner of McCabe Russell’s *Love*Listen*Trust* painted rocks:
Lianne Bremer who wrote:  “Oh, how I long to be able to go to this retreat! I mean, you are my women! The wild women who are impassioned and real! I long to celebrate my innate power and beauty with all of you! Serendipity to me is when heaven and earth conspire to delight… and it happens often.  To dance with the Mermaid, pick nettles with the Pixie, and loving create wonder with all of you.. that is what I am drawn to.”

Winner of Michelle Madden Smith’s Self Care/Mommy night in Kit:
Pamela G who wrote: “i was just sitting on my bed crying. crying because i’m stressed, overwhelmed, and frustrated. crying because everything seems to be going wrong. it’s been a series of unfortunate events. and no matter how many times i’ve reached out, i find nothing to grasp. . and it hurts so much inside to keep falling. i’ve barely picked myself up and made my way over to the window up here on the third floor, overlooking the street with the castle in view (a church down the road) and the tower from the fire station when i felt a light go on over my shoulder. it was my screensaver on my laptop. it turned itself off and the screen was open on my email page. realizing i had several to respond to, i just sat there, numb and overwhelmed. thought to myself, i need to read some calming words, where is the best place i can find that. so i came here, denise… and saw your most recent post. now i think that is serendipity.  i could not only use the self care kit, but a hug. someone to hold ME and tell me everything is going to be ok…”

pixie, cedar, me…photo by stacy

It seems I have to go back to purge piles or boxes three or four times until I am left with what I truly need or nourishes me.  Each time I come back to these piles, I find that I am in a deeper mindset of simplicity, so it is easier to lighten the load and let go of the stuff I was holding onto.  I feel like this is a metaphor for my life lately…not just with moving but with all things.  The Tao of Packing. ; )

One of my newest sponsors that I am so thrilled to share with you is Serendipity Retreats. A comfy space for art and yoga by the sea in a beautifully intimate setting. I remember a few years back, driving down a windy road while at Squam and hearing whispers about this dreamy retreat to be and I felt a sense of calm in my bones.  It was a healing oasis for those that took part of the first retreat and it continues again this October.

There are four guides at this retreat, sharing their wisdom, soul and heart. And today, here in my space, they wanted to share something with my readers. Below you will find a piece of their beautiful world that they are offering. There will be four people chosen, one for each gift.

To enter for one of these beauties, you just need to comment on this post. Tell us what serendipity means to you in your life. It can be one word or many or a story but be sure to mention which gift you feel called to.

I will announce the four winners at the beginning of next week.  Comments will be closed on Sunday evening.

Call of the Wild – signed 8.5×11 fine art print from Pixie Campbell.
“Wolf answers when called. No questions asked. Leaves fear behind. Lifts strong paws and pads lightly across the earth, nose to the ground, fur up on neck, ears up, and bright eyes leading the way.”

A signed copy of “The Dread Crew” from Kate Inglis
January Magazine calls The Dread Crew: Pirates of the Backwoods by Kate Inglis ‘a spirited tale, gorgeously rendered’. It suits hooligans and adventure-seekers 8-80 years old. By October’s Serendipity Retreat, the sequel will be undergoing final line edits.

“What a mess. See, wherever they go, the pirates chew up the forest, all mindless crashing with that giant woodship. All they care about is junk and they’ll crush anything that gets in the way. I was just as blind to it as you until one day I tripped over a clue. And then another. What else was there to do? I became a pirate hunter. I tracked them like a thunderstorm. I collected evidence and found their trail. Then they disappeared. Then I met the weirdest girl in the world. Turns out she was their scout. Then together we stole their ship. By the time you get to the end you see it’s really just the beginning…”


Love*Listen*Trust rocks from Mccabe Russell
Hand painted beach stones from the magical shore of Southern California. Each rock infused with magic and love. use them to create whimsy in your everyday life. (but be careful what you wish for.)

Self care/Mommy’s night in kit from Michelle Madden Smith
a yoga mat, a lavender-filled eye pillow, aromatherapy, a bottle of wine, and a few other yummy surprises…

our new lil’ woodland

I wanted to share with you a bit of the magic that is happening to our wee little family on this transitional journey. Here is part of the woodland that surrounds the new home we will be living in. Ohmygosh. I had to ask my friend and our local real estate agent to go see it, just to make sure this was for real.  The ad for this dreamy faerie home continued to come into our path, yet because it was such an awesome deal, we thought for sure something was wrong with it. Although my heart kept going back to it and we kept saying it feels too good to be true. What happened to our belief in magic? I suppose a few disappointments with hunting for a home will drain hope out of you but then I get a giddy call from my girlfriend as she pulls up, sneaks on the land and peeks into the empty home. “It’s charming, its adorable, oh my god, it leads to a forest and a beach and oh my god, its an old bungalow! It has a cherry blossom tree in the front! Oh Denise, its perfect for you guys!  You can garden here!  The soil is awesome!  Oh Denise…its so CUTE.  Its magical.” And my heart is racing on the other line, and I feel like I am jumping up and down with her and I am one part afraid to get my hopes up but the other part of me, the part that has driven me my whole life BELIEVES in this sort of thing.

So after many phone calls and email exchanges with our AWESOME real estate agent and the property management company, a walk through to make sure all is alright and photos sent to us and paperwork and la la la…we get the phone call.  And so my friends, we’re moving in the first week of May!

Its a sweet old home built in the early 1900′s with a playhouse for Cedar in the back, a garage with a darling attic that we could transform into a bohemian lair and two outbuildings for storage (or studios or workshops) with close access to a beach, as well as a trail that leads to forest and finally, off the road from a gorgeous drive a few minutes away from a part of town that we hold close to our hearts.  Everything and more that I wrote down in a list long ago as our dream home. Its happening.  Its really happening.  We feel so blessed to be able to provide Cedar with a home that his heart calls to.  A woodland for our sweet gnome to explore and a space for his imagination to thrive and earth that mama and daddy can sink their toes and fingers into.

I am envisioning bodies that feel more sprite and healed with an energy that wants to soak it all in.  I imagine misty walks with Cedar in the morning and me sitting on the shore and photographing Boho Boy and Cedar in a teeny boat in the water near the bridge to watch the trains.  I am tearing up as I write this.  This is something we were unable to create for our family in California and it broke my heart to have to move further from my family but at the same time, I know they want this for us too and it will open up a whole new world that we can all share together.  And its all a ferry boat away from British Columbia!  I cannot wait to take them there.

I see Boho Boy fishing with my daddy and bringing salmon home for dinner.  I see my sisters Darlene and Pamela and I telling stories, sitting on chairs in our yard knitting or creating with me in my studio.  I see my marmie and I digging our fingers into soil and laughing.  I see Omi cooking in our new kitchen to the classical music she adores.  I see Jon-Erik coming back with a medicine bag full of magic after a day of collecting in the woods and sea.  I see my nieces and nephews visiting for solace and calm to find themselves again in nature in the midst of their busy lives.  I see visits from dear friends and healing in their hearts.  I see Boho Boy’s father up in the cosmos smiling down at his son for following his wisdom on how to live from your heart.

I see a kitchen full of jars and bottles with tinctures, potions, lotions and oils made from our land, to keep our bodies well and to help heal the bodies of those we love.  I see baskets and bowls full of fresh vegetables and fruits from our garden.

I see a husband with color back in his cheeks, finishing his book and spending hours meditating on nature in his kayak.

Most of all…I see Cedar with his bouncy curls and bare muddy chest running, leaping, dancing, singing, strumming, drumming and painting a fae-world that sees him true in a home that allows every morsel of  his BEING to BE.

A girl can dream for her family.  Yes, she can.  I should bottle my tears right now and keep them for more dream making.

our flower child

first time out in so long. took a drive with windows down and the wailin’ jennys blaring

pretty knobs at cost plus world market. want to cover our new kitchen with these

i love him so much. he looks yummy in his gypsy wrap.

cedar eating our flu soup. recipe below.

best. swing. view. ever.

resting on a bench together

Just wanted to share some images of the last few days.

Man, moving is more stressful than I remember. There was a time when I was in my twenties that I moved every few years. But back then I was more a gypsy about it and didn’t keep a lot of THINGS and didn’t allow myself to get attached to the walls around me. I was joking with a friend the other day who is going through the same thing and she said sorting and packing should be illegal with a toddler. ; ) Oh my gosh. It makes a huge difference when the little one decides it is SO FUN to pull apart the pile you are working on or get into the box and pretend its a car. It is a Zen exercise in staying present and slowing down and remembering that this wee one has absolutely no concept of what we’re about to really do. To him right now, our home being out of sorts is like a maze of creative play. Crazytown.

We are all feeling stronger and better. I am on the last leg of this flu and tend to go in and out of good or hard days. I know its because I am not able to rest fully. Gone are the days I can lay in bed all day when I am feeling poorly. ; ) I wanted to share our Flu Soup with you. We got it out of Real Simple magazine and added a few different touches. It heals the bod and tastes delicious! Boho Boy is a stud at making soups when I am not feeling well.

We are in the process of maybe having found our Faerie Home. We will know in the next three days. If it happens to be the one, I will let you know. House hunting is yet ANOTHER Zen exercise in not allowing yourself to get attached and to trust that if a home we fall in love with falls through, it means it was not meant for us. Moving is SUPER hard on the ego because it forces you to leg go of it completely and just surrender.

Flu Soup {we do it the quick and easy way}

1 can white kidney beans*
2 tbsp olive oil
2 cups diced onion
4 cloves garlic sliced thinly
8 oz shiitake mushrooms sliced
8 oz portobello mushrooms sliced
2 lbs butternut squash cut into 1 inch cubes
1 bay leaf
8 cups broth (we prefer turkey broth with these flavors…at Trader Joes)
1/2 bunch of kale, stems removed and leaves sliced thinly
Sea Salt

Directions:
Heat Oil in a large pan over a medium flame
Add onions and garlic. Cook until tender (6 minutes)
Transfer them to a bowl and set aside.
Add some more oil and then saute the mushrooms until they are golden brow. stir them often.
Put onions/garlic in a soup pot and add the mushrooms.
Add the squash, bay leaf and broth.
Season with pepper.
Bring to a boil, then cover and let simmer for about 45 minutes, or until squash is tender.
Stir in the kale about 15 minutes before soup is done.
*If you want to use dried beans, go ahead…just simmer the soup for a solid hour.

Here is a cute little video we took the other day. I love the way he sings…

And this one just makes me laugh…