- Friday, December 17, 2010
- Posted in boho baby,motherhood
We should all start eating our celery and peanut butter in the middle. Its where the good stuff is. I love that he does this.
My days with Cedar have been so full. His discovery of life…of emotions and energy and feelings and desires and needs are so big and the two of us feel so intertwined. And I am in Love. And I am so worn. I don’t know how you single parents do it but I will forever bow down to you. Forever.
I am so tired that it is hard to put into words how this last week has been for us. He is discovering so much more of his separateness and is expressing it in new ways. The best way to describe it is that I feel like all day long I am either at the Circus or in Therapy. Our children can be our mirrors and throughout the day I feel myself being triggered in some way. Motherhood is like a never ending therapy session. ; )
Guess what. Remember I said I wanted an iPhone? Well the very next day, Cedar and I were on a hike and I slid down a muddy slope and my feet flew out in front of me and when I landed, my Palm Pre went flying in the air and crashed down on a rock. Totally cracked and broken. I took that as a huge sign that it was time to move on. We got iPhone’s tonight!!! I am so giddy about the better photo quality and the fun apps to play with and the video messaging. I heard from my friends that I may get obsessed. Would love to hear what apps are your faves!
Would also love to hear about your creative ways of how you inspired, encouraged, guided your toddler to listen to you (when they decide they don’t want to). Also, are you into time-outs? If not, what worked for you? I always love to hear your stories. Stories are so much more fun than advice. I am loving the book Parenting for a Peaceful World but I can only read it in bits. Mama is tired at night.
December 17, 2010
I also have a 2-year old and these questions are a constant for me! Lately when she decides she doesn’t want to listen to me, I ask her where her ears are. When she points to them, I say “I need you to listen with your ears.” That usually gets her thinking… We also have problems with her “staying by mommy” when we are out and about. I sing a little “follow me” song, or I sing out “Hurry! Hurry!” It’s from a cute little kid’s book by the same title by Eve Bunting. The next page is “Coming! Coming” and she has started to respond to my sing-songy “hurry hurrys” with a “coming coming.” We do time-outs from time to time, and I sing a little “uh-oh” song – an idea I got from a great book, “Parenting with Love and Logic.” It keeps my emotions under control and she knows what it means, but doesn’t put up a fight as I take her to her room. I wait until she seems stable enough and then I go in and say “Oh I’m so glad you are happy now!” (even if she’s not totally happy yet.) I try to make a big deal about being excited that she is done with time out. (p.s. This mama is also very tired at night…and wondering why I am still awake at this hour…wake-up time comes too soon).
December 17, 2010
Hello, beautiful girl.
I have been jonesing for an iPhone for, oh, what is it, four years now? Ever since they first came out, and each new iteration makes me pant even harder for one! I was going to get one for Christmas this year, but once again we decided the timing isn’t right (money-wise). So, I’m thrilled for your good fortune!
I’m in my final year of training as a spiritual director right now, and one of the requirements of my training is meeting monthly with a supervisor who is there *just* for me. She’s not there to check up on me and whether I’m doing things right or wrong with my directees (although she cares to know how things are going there). Rather, she’s there to be present to me for any of the ways my own “stuff” might get triggered in a session with a directee. The stuff that might distract me from then being fully present to them.
What you said about finding triggers throughout your days with Cedar sometimes reminded me of that … of what a gift it can be to have someone (or several someones!) who are in our lives and can just be present to us when we have “stuff” that needs to be processed because it had been triggered in some way.
Love to you, beautiful girl. xoxo
December 17, 2010
Ah the lovely battle of wits with your very intelligent child. I also go through the daily rounds with my 16 month old, and am left winded and dumbfounded on just how in the world my child has outsmarted me again
. I am still experimenting with guiding my child to listen to me. She has become very vocal as of late and will flat out tell me “No” and emphatically shake her head, when asked if she wants to nap, eat, drink, stay out of the cabinets, the toilet, and to not rip pages out of mommy’s books or play with the twinkling buttons on Daddy’s computer..:D. It is this very reason that I have ordered some hopefully very helpful books as Christmas gifts to myself, which I impatiently await opening on Christmas on gentle parenting and how to encourage not discourage your child with your words and actions and how you handle their little “emotional expressions”. I’d like to check out the book you said that you are reading but, I like you am a wore out Mommy at the end of the day and can barely read a sentence without snoring.
Wishing you rest and calm to restore yourself.
Brightest Blessings and Love
December 17, 2010
Denise,
wow. big questions that others can speak on, only you and boho baby and boy know what is best.
With that being said, here is my two cents:
love, love love love love.
respect respect respect.
with those two things, everythign will fall into place.
We, unlike many parents around us, don’t believe in a seperation of child and adult. So, we dont treat her like a child, in the sense of, just becuase she is smaller doesnt mean she is any less important, or her needs are any less important or her opinons/wants are any less vital than ours.
we really didn’t have an issue w/ No, but from all the books I read, it was mostly about needing that space for them to set that boundary. We did what the books suggested and made our house child friendly, so there were not a lot of htings around that she was not able to touch. Our house was/is a place to be LIVED IN. So, if she saw something and explored it, we just alllowed that and she never was disrespectful of things, and really, to this day she isn’t.
oh I dont think I’m making much sense now, as I’m tired. so I will send you an email that is longer and clearer!
take care of you!
December 17, 2010
hoping you’re not too battered and bruised from your fall!
December 17, 2010
hello lovely:: sounds intense where you are right now….
I think kthe best advice, that I can give, is to just go with the flow and follow your heart. But then you do that anyways. To take bits from here and there and everywhere and make that your own style that works for you and your family.
Make sure you get lots and lots of rest – go to sleep when he does, take 10 hours at night if you can: hand over to Boho Boy at evenings and weekends and re-charge in whatever way does that best for you – remember you may need to prioritise you time over family time and the three of you being together, just at this point, for a few short weeks til you get your balance back.
Some reading materials that I have found so, so helpful:
online:: http://www.joyfullyrejoycing.com – a site that has some focus on unschooling, which I know is way off for you, but also lots of info on making connections, coming together to find solutions, living together peacefully, and neat ideas for handling issues like, say, leaving the park – loads of stuff in there.
Books: Heaven on Earth – Sharifa Oppenheimer – this is singularly the best parenting book I’ve ever read – all about how to structure your day, home, rhythm, playing indoors and out – lots of simple ideas for creating a framework for healthy peaceful natural living – just reading it gives me a feeling of calm*
Mitten Strings for God – Katrina Kennison – again reading this is like taking a moment out of the whirlwind and just breathing deep. Lots of mindful ideas on being a simple, gentle parent and honouring the sacred family.
*TIme outs:: the only issue I have with this book is that I strongly don’t believe in time outs – I can go into great detail as to why, but for me personally – waste of time and energy – that said, I take a mumma time out and go in another room to calm down if I need to, and we suggest quiet time on a bean chair or in the hall if the children are in a state, and there is no making a connection, but it is a time to calm and centre, not in any sense a separation or punishment. More often than not, we all go to a calm corner (our bean chair/custions area, known as the Den) and we time in – stop whatever the argument is about, no words, no discussions, no doing other stuff for mumma, just sitting still, breathing slow and deep, maybe a cuddle, maybe not depending on if we are in the space to make a physical connection gently, until we are all calm again. Then we discuss, if necessary what the issue was, but with as few words as possible. Over and over again, I am learning, less words with the children has so much more impact – which is hard for me, as you can probably guess from the length of this comment!! With love Jules x
PS It’s all a learning curve, and everyone has good days and bad, good weeks and bad, good months and bad, and in time each of you will move through it and find an easier rhythm.
December 17, 2010
Wow – you’re going to get opinions in every direction here! I have two children, don’t even remember what I did with the first ’cause she’s 18 now…but my sweet, super intelligent 7 year old used to get time outs. I say used to because they probably only lasted for the time that he was 2- 3 years old. I would have him sit on a chair for 2 or 3 minutes. He really hated it (no! not the chair!!!!) – really, all he had to do was sit, but he KNEW what it meant. After the 2 minutes were up I’d go to him and get to his level, talk to him about why he was there, ask for an apology, then we’d kiss and I’d totally make sure we did something new and change the house mood.
—
I have to say that I used this probably a total of 20 times in a 2 year span. Then no more because it wasn’t ever needed again. I still laugh about a few of those timeouts…there was a period when he wanted to make sure I knew what was going down, so he would go to the chair, but stand on it. His own little protest.
It’s not easy, but you have to remember that you are the adult that has to guide him in a loving way. Set aside all the your personal quirks and work on him.
iphone: totally want one too…I have a Macbook pro, an itouch…I know I’ll be thinking intensively about this now!
December 17, 2010
Hi Denise,
I got my iPhone couple months ago as well and I am loving it!
Happy that u got one, too…
For the applications, I like Zen Timer (for meditation-the gongs
), iP (for following my periods 
), Flickr, Last.fm, Whats App (instant msging between iPhone and Blackberry users) and my French language courses 
))
Kisses
December 17, 2010
I want Cedar’s shirt in an adult size!!!!! So awesome!!!!! And as for your new iphone, i’m NOT a technology person and I am totally obsessed with my phone — be careful not to get sucked in because I can play on it for hours without noticing! Two favorite apps: First, RMaker, which is really cool because you can make your own ringtones with music in your itunes…….. so awesome, because you can use ANYTHING! Second, HeyTell because me and my best friend like sending silly messages back and forth while she’s out of state…. specifically, we like making funny voices and pretending we’re made up characters…. haha enjoy it! xo
December 17, 2010
Oh man, I was just coming by to tell you that I really like your Palm Pre photos! I have a Blackberry and for reasons that are lengthy and boring, I’m locked-in with my provider which does not offer iPhones, so I’m trying to make peace with what my BB can and can’t do. I seem to be carrying around my regular camera less often and I love that the BB is always a the ready. But someday, iPhone, someday. *sigh*
December 17, 2010
funny. just the other day i was telling my husband i should join the circus…which was followed by tears (from me) that maybe i should be in therapy too!
my kiddos wear me out (ages 7,5,4,& 2)!!!! 
December 17, 2010
Hearrrrrd on the tired part. And praising single parents. Because our family is Jamerican, I have made several trods alone with my babes and had to spend weeks, sometimes months, without daddy and vice versa! We have each had a taste of parenting w/out the other parent. Not Easy! Yes indeed therapy and circus. I soooo get this. I find that my children don’t respond well when I slip into my frustrated, authoritarian place. If I keep it firm but gentle we are all better for it. I try to turn commands (picking up toys, brushing teeth and the like) into games. This seems to work better for us. But I have two so we can kind of play off each other.
We could not survive without time outs. Although, they are rare as the babes get older, I find this to be such a loving way to approach “bad behavior choices” (aka bad choices). It gives my babes a chance to think about how they might do things differently and more positively next time. Very effective in our home. We started Iz at about a year and a half and it’s just always worked. When our little one came the structure was already set so that helped alot! Continue to b creative. You will be surprised (in retrospect) in no time at all, how much he does by himself. And how much more time you will have for your self. Awesome on the iphone. I can’t wait to move back to the states and get one too! Oh and if you need any jewelry therapy you can check out my blog. I am doing a $100 custom design jewelry give away!!!
One Love
December 17, 2010
Oh, I bet the responses will be so varied – and each of them correct even if they say opposite things. I truly think it depends on the child. My son, now 8, has always been a sensitive soul. He responded best to lots of snuggles and explanations. I learned very quickly never to underestimate what he could understand. His logical brain responds the same way to this day.
Now my daughter who is 3, on the other hand, is best helped with praising good behavior and doing my very best (which is sometimes very hard!) not to engage her when she is upset. She is extremely verbal and strong-willed, and a strong reaction from me only escalates the chaos.
Two very different kids….I’m not sure which has been easier to raise, because everything personality, phase, and moment comes with its good bad.
December 17, 2010
each stage of their lives takes more or less out of you depending on the age….this is a tough one because they require just about everything you have to give. just make sure to keep taking good care of yourself. time outs – we used the bottom step to the second floor as a time out spot. they were very short and intended to redirect the behavior or words spoken. we always talked about why they wound up there after the time out was over so they understood. you both are really doing a great job ushering cedar along…..!
December 17, 2010
Hi!
I have a couple of parenting book suggestions
~unconditional parenting
~playful parenting
in that order
both best read in little bits to really absorb them
They were very helpful for me when I was nannying some kids that were on the wild side. Playful Parenting helped me shift my energy around with them. Unconditional parenting helped me focus more in my connection with the children and less in the specific craziness at any one moment.
Highly recommended.
December 17, 2010
Im ok with the i phone as long as you dont forget us on blog world.
A book i loved was called, ” right from the start” and “parenting without tearing your children down”
There are times i thought i would loose my mind and find myself wanting to explode my anger out on them.
One think i do now is write letters to my Jesus in a notebook about my feelings.
Get yourself a notebook and write my friend.
It helps so much.
You are welcome to e mail me anytime you need to vent.
If your ever in colorado you can come hang out with my fun family full of love and i will take you to tea in manitou springs.
Parenting is hard but what i like to do is learn through my kids, look through their eyes.
Cedar has taught me to close my eyes more and take it all in.
Add some ants on those logs of peanut butter ( raisins or cranberries of course heehee)
Have cedar and marmie make some for marmie to eat. Good stuff for her.
December 17, 2010
as many have said it really depends on your child…it sounds like with your cedar you could read the book “raising your spirited child” really helped me to understand my now four year old (and myself, as i am er, spirited, too LOL) i am also reading “simplicity parenting” which is great. and this blog. so helpful and lovely. http://theparentingpassageway.com/
that said, i find the days where i myself am happy and content and peaceful (despite the days circumstances, HARD) my children reflect that back. they are our mirrors! so powerful to think of parenting this way i think – we need to be examples of the behavior we want to see in them, how to handle hard moments, how to engage in difficult conversations, how to rest and be at peace, how to have fun. really contemplating this has been the biggest parenting tool for me. but there are little tricks. with my four year old we dont do time outs per se but “breaks” when things are getting hard to handle (and mama needs a breather) sometimes there are tantrums, i have also instituted a “rocking chair time-IN” for those moments when we keep picking on each other or are fussy (we have very similiar personalities and things like picking up the house for dinner and end of the day stress can get both of us riled up.) so we sit. and we cuddle. and reconnect. then things smooth out on their own.
more stories here:
http://www.junecleaverinyogapants.com/2010/10/my-little-man-and-lessons-in-being.html
and here:
http://www.junecleaverinyogapants.com/2010/10/whats-in-your-parenting-toolbox.html
hug yourself! he sounds like an amazing little guy!
(and sorry this is long – i love your blog and this topic…)
December 17, 2010
You have to get the Instagram app. It’s free! I also love the sleep machine lite app. FREE! There is also an app that can locate local farmer’s markets. FREE!
I can’t really give any parenting advice, because I’m only 20 and just a college girl, but I do work at a daycare and I know that patience and consistancy is key!
December 17, 2010
A lot of what Jules wrote resonates with me… I have found my way through parenting, and there is “formula” for me, and like you, I have found that parenting has been a lot like a circus AND therapy for me. I thought I was a pretty together person before I had two kids! I had no idea the depths of learning I had to do, about my own heart, about how to connect with one another, about how to give space, to one another and to myself.
Time-outs have never felt right to me, and I’ve never used them as a technique. There are times when I think that some time apart would do us good, but I like to turn time-outs around, and think of them as time-ins — time for each of us to get the comfort and care we need so we can be our best selves. Maybe we’re tired, hungry, triggered, frustrated, maybe we can’t listen until some other needs have been met. You can see I don’t think of time-ins for just the kids…
And there are so many nuances to the “not-listening” issue… is it a dangerous situation or just a preference? Have you physically showed him what you want or are you relying only words? Does it happen more when he’s tired or hungry? How is his reaction different when you’re feeling triggered or not?
In general, when my kids were two, I tried to create a “yes” environment for them, meaning I didn’t want our home to be a place where I had to monitor them all the time. If I didn’t want them to climb on the dining room table and found myself telling them constantly not to, we put the dining room table in the basement for a little while, until they were older and we could talk more reasonably about it. I also felt it was important to use touch, not just words at that age. If my child were hitting me, I wouldn’t just say, “Please don’t hit,” I would gently block his arm as it came toward me, and say, very gently, “I don’t want to be hit. I am stopping your arm from hitting me.” If not being hit is a very real boundary for me, that is one way I would uphold it.
I try not to put my focus on correcting or trying to stop my child’s behavior (it usually just makes me tense, which makes my child tense)… focusing on what I do want, and focusing on meeting their needs feels much better to me.
If the not listening is happening because the child is on the verge or in a meltdown, then I just try to get really energetically big and hold space for them, creating a time-in bubble for us.
Here are a few examples of what time-in looks like around here:
http://mama-om.blogspot.com/2009/07/sibling-apology.html
http://mama-om.blogspot.com/2009/07/good-place.html
http://mama-om.blogspot.com/2010/11/being-oak-tree.html
And if you don’t already know about Scott Noelle and his website “Enjoy Parenting,” I would highly recommend reading his short four-part online series on time-ins:
http://www.enjoyparenting.com/daily-groove/time-in
December 17, 2010
Oh… and two more thoughts for you…
one, I was so relieved when I read this short article on the concept of counterwill (the natural human reaction of a child to resist being controlled). Sadly, the direct link is gone, but visit this page http://www.gordonneufeld.com/courses and then click Making Sense of Counterwill and then Course Description (FYI, I am not promoting this course or affiliated with it, this is just the only place I can find this information online).
And the book “Your Two-Year-Old” by Ames and Ilg. This book is somewhat dated and I wouldn’t read it for its discipline advice, but it can be revelatory to read about what milestones, interests, and development kids go through at certain ages. For me, it helps normalize things and provides understanding. (For example, I just read the 7-yr-old book and I couldn’t believe it — some of the new behavior I had been noticing was listed right there, practically word for word.)
December 17, 2010
I’m too mama tired to even let my brain go there, but I can tell you a few of my favortie apps! I totally used to make fun of the app crazy people and now I’m all over it.
awesome note (got the free version first and then updated because I was using it so much)
groceries (so perfect for all my lists!!)
pandora
imovie
photobooth
moonPhase
period planner (have the free version and am thinking about upgrading b/c it’s proving its worth;)
free flashlight–lights my way through the house at night and bright enough to read by!
I have a free dictionary and have been surprised how much I use it.
whole foods recipes
and much much more…
That’s not even including the ones I have for the kids. There are tons of free kid ones that come in handy in situations like waiting rooms or when you need a quick distraction…
Have fun!
December 17, 2010
After years of pulling my hair out and wondering how to best parent my child, I discovered whispering. My daughter is LOUD. in everything she does, singing, dancing, playing, having tantrums.. loud loud loud and I like peace.. oy. So although I have tried time outs which didn’t work for us, and raising my voice ( which I hate to do) I discovered whispering by mistake.
I guess it’s whatever works for everyone. I just was completely shocked that whispering was key for us. weird.
I was so tired one night, so wiped, nothing left in me tired and I just wanted to bawl, I went to her in full fledged tantrum, kicking, hitting and I sat on the floor and I took her hands in mine and I whispered, ” please stop. please.” She looked completely shocked. Her eyes got very vulnerable and she listened. Now, I whisper everytime but we don’t have to do it often. She seems to be growing out of her need for rebellion until it returns in about 10 years
December 18, 2010
I wish I had asked for the ideas of others, as you’re doing now, when my twin boys were Cedar’s age! We spent their first five years parenting in what was quite an unnatural way for us, reading all kinds of books and getting advice in all the wrong places. When they were five, my mother wisely gave me the book “How to Really Love Your Child” and it completely stunned me. I realised that all of our parenting had been focusing on their behaviour! As much as we love our kids, I was shocked as I realised how little love we had been showing them. We had made their behaviour more important than them. The last three years have been about trying to reconnect with our more natural instincts as parents, giving them lots of gentleness, love, and explanation. It is frightening to think that we were heading so quickly down a road that would have almost certainly ended in strained relationships with adult children. You mentioned time-outs; we tried them but they didn’t work to diffuse tension; they usually created more. Instead we do “time-in’s” – a break for all concerned. For the eight-year-olds this can also be “taking a break”, where they have the option to go off and rest on their bed or relax in a quiet place until they feel ready to rejoin the rest of us. Afterwards, we always talk about what happened; and usually, offenders will apologise in a heartfelt way for offences committed. Everyone ends up friends instead of enemies, which is kind of nice seeing as we have to share a home together.
December 18, 2010
Hi Denise,
I’ve read your blog for awhile now but never commented before. I also have a two year old little girl (just a week younger than Cedar, I think) who is wearing this mama out! I stumbled across this fantastic blog though that I thought I’d share with you. It’s http://www.talkfeeleez.typepad.com. It ficus a lot on using empathy with our children and ourselves and also talks about dispensing with discipline altogether. Its such a gentle way of parenting and you seem such a gentle person. I think you might really enjoy it. Peace to you!
December 18, 2010
Hi Denise, I wish I had more time to elaborate, but I think you would really like the books With Consent by Jan Fortune-Wood and Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. There are so many other great, supportive books about respecting our children as equals, staying away from coercion and punishments, etc. Raising Our Children Raising Ourselves is one that is on my list… actually I got it for Hubby for Christmas
Playful Parenting is a really, really good one that would fit your family well too.
Okay, I’ll stop now LOL
xoxo
December 18, 2010
Another reader coming out of lurkdom here! On the parenting thing–no advice, only empathy! For me the baby stuff is much easier because I have a very clear idea of how I want to parent and relate to my child in that stage and the kind of mom I want to be to an infant. So even when it’s difficult (teething, sleepless nights, etc.) I’m not getting triggered or having to confront myself constantly. But it does get harder once I get into discipline issues–there are a lot of different philosophies and approaches and it’s less clear to me what is the best approach. I have a few friends who are similar to me in some of their beliefs and practices, who have young adult children that I feel have “turned out” well and have good relationships with their parents, and those friends are the ones I tend to consult for input and advice on parenting dilemmas! Other than that, just trying to do the best I can at the moment and taking a lot of deep breaths!
As to the iphone–ohhh, you’re gonna LOVE it!! My DH got one when they first came out, and I carped a lot about the cost of the phone and the data plan and questioned if it was really necessary to spend that money, etc. When I was pregnant with baby 2 my plain cheapo phone dropped and broke and I ended up replacing it with an iphone so I could take more pictures and videos of my kids and easily email them to my husband at work, the grandparents, etc. Now that I have one I am a total convert!
As for favorite apps, I tend to try to keep it a little simple and avoid too much “phone clutter”. I don’t have a text plan so I use textfree to send and receive texts for free. I like the Groupon app. You might like PhotoChop–it is hilarious! I use the Pandora app to listen to music a lot. Allrecipes has an iphone app that I sometimes use for recipes. Touch to Give is an app where money is donated to worthy causes by sponsors when you click on a link–I go to that every day. Pocket Pond and Pocket Frogs are just kind of fun and relaxing. And I do have the Facebook app for the iphone too.
December 20, 2010
Hi lovely. We are going through similar stuff with our 2.5 year old. Here is what works for us– 1) we have an imaginary goat who speaks through my hand. When things start to get tough, I ask Aidan who can help us right now to which he almost always replies “brown goat”. Then brown goat speaks to him and usually convinces him to cooperate and or
Compromise with me! 2) finger puppets! Same idea– talk to him through the puppets and he almost always softens and finds a way to cooperate. 3) if those things don’t work I take a deep breath to calm myself and tell myself not to take it personally and ask myself if what I’m asking us necessary. If not, I let it go humbly. If so I try to wait for a calm moment to explain why we’re doing it “my way” then proceed. Staying physically close and loving helps even if they are resisting because I’ve found my anger will only escalate things. I have other ways in place to vent my frustrations when he is not present. As far as time outs go. I tried it for a while and have come to the conclusion they don’t work for us. I like the idea if a time-in instead–aiming for a way to get to the heart of the issue and work with deepening connection with him rather than withdrawing my attention. Hope this helps! Loving a new book called Simplicity Parenting right now too. Wrote this w/ iPhone sorry if there are typos or weird words! Hope you’re enjoying yours!
December 21, 2010
just wanted to recommend this website, really lovely parenting philosophy and so well written. i just keep thinking you would like it. http://theparentingpassageway.com/
i think it helps too to realize how much your vibe affects your child. something i struggle with as my son AND myself are both “spirited” (“the Spirited child” is another good one)
as far as books go, “simplicity parenting” is another great one…
but all that said, i think you just have to be true to yourself. read what you can but implement what feels right and works for you….
hope you have a great Christmas.
December 22, 2010
Denise this book i am reading called Buddhism for Mothers a calm approach to caring for yourself and your children is AWESOME! I of course put praying in place of meditating but it is a great book. The author is Sarah Napthali. I got it at the library.
December 22, 2010
I didn’t have time (sorry) to read all the comments so this may have been mentioned.
I preface this by saying I haven’t actually read this whole book, it was due back to the library right away. BUT the beginning that I read I really liked. I need to get it again but here it is (and I may have linked to it here once already)
Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids
http://www.amazon.com/Simplicity-Parenting-Extraordinary-Calmer-Happier/dp/0345507983/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1292989133&sr=8-1
I have three WONDERFUL and wonderfully energetic boys! It can be very overwhelming at times. I love it but I also love calm and quietness…sometimes the noise overwhelms…even when it’s happy noise! I really have to try to remember for myself to live in the moment and enjoy these fleeting days!
December 22, 2010
My little girl is 2 1/2. I have been putting her in the corner since she was old enough to stand. by herself. I never left her long. Just a minute or two. But I always get complements on how well behave my child is. I am told quite frequently that she is the most well behaved two year old that many have ever seen. I also believe in spanking. If she was touching something she knew not to, I would smack her hand. It’s amazing what a quick pat on the butt will do too. I am a very strict mother, and have been since day one, and I know this is why she behaves so well.
On the other hand, my fiance has two little girls, who are 7 and 3. And their parents have never been that strict with them. They are little monsters! I can’t hardly even take them to the grocery store! I have decided to treat my house like a discipline boot camp though. So hopefully they will be reformed soon.
I guess what I am trying to say is that no matter what form of discipline you choose to go with, make sure you are firm with it from the very beginning. Don’t let things slide every now and then. Children need rules and guidelines. They need boundaries to keep them safe. When he gets older, he will thank you for teaching him the respect and manners that you show him now.
December 28, 2010
I’ve never left a message here before but I thought this is not only helping you but everyone else you reads the comments section! I am totally going to check out some of the books listed here
There are a few books that totally changed my direction from discipline to love – I was a nanny for ten years before having my children and it broke my heart to treat my children with the authoritarian/disciplinarian approach I used with the children I nannied. Anyway I few books I loved are – “Natural Parenting – Jan Hunt, Heart to Heart Parenting (can’t remember author sorry), and “connection parenting – pam leo – is totally brilliant. Much love (by the way I think you are probably doing an awesome job without these books anyway but hope you find the inspiration you need at this time in your parenting journey x)
January 3, 2011
Thank you Denise and everyone else for all the guidance, tips, advice and solidarity! My 22-month old is really starting to exert her independence (and her vocal chords!), which I respect. But I also recognize the need for some boundaries, and some consistency on my part. The problem is that I’m too tired to figure out what to do! Some of your suggestions are really helpful (I love the idea of whispering!). Dinnertime is the hardest for us. She does not want to do anything other than sit in my lap to eat (which makes it hard for me to eat my own meal). I always give in because as a working mama, I can tell she just wants to be as close to me as she can, and my instinct is to be in contact with her every minute that I’m home….but in the long run, I want her to sit in her own chair and join the family for dinner.. these days, most dinners ends in a meltdown for one, two, or all three of us! not the goal.
anyway, great to hear your comments and thoughts, makes me feel like I’m not the only one struggling!