- Wednesday, October 6, 2010
- Posted in enoughness
self portrait taken today, canon 50d
This was taken in honor of the insightful and wise and courageous Brene Brown and her “Perfect Protest“. I haven’t yet read her book The Gifts of Imperfection but it is on my reading list. Although this is such a good time for me to join the fight against perfection. As I get ready to transition into a new journey with my upcoming e-course, my emotions are heightened as all the fears come rushing in and my energy moves towards hushing and releasing those negative voices. I notice whenever I launch into something entirely different on my path, it becomes a very raw time for me and in order for me to keep breathing and being open, perfection needs to take a mighty hike.
Today I am sending love to my curvy, soft body that hasn’t consistently exercised in a long while. Sending love to my guilty feelings about being unable to stay consistent with any one way of eating…even if it makes me feel better. Sending love to all of those tender bits and so much more. Perhaps I need to not only embrace imperfection but inconsistency! ; )
Its also a very tender time for me in regards to parenting Cedar, as he too moves through the passionate emotions he feels about the world and people surrounding him. Today I left Java Mama and called my sister, just asking for space to cry and spill as I navigate this extremely imperfect world of teamwork with my son. There was a time, as the youngest of three girls, I felt like I had to have it all together with my sisters. Now, my life journey has made me really honor the parts of my life that feel completely undone and rather than feel weak as I shared with her today, I felt stronger for being bravely honest.
One of the reasons I wanted dreads on my head was to be a reminder to settle into the idea of being imperfect. The letting go of my hair to be any specific way and allowing for the messy bits, the constant shifts and change and unpredictability. Having dreadlocks has helped me to see how beautiful chaos can be.
My fertility journey paralleled that deep life lesson and I am grateful that my dread journey holds that space in my life too.
This perfect protest has helped me to not feel alone.
October 6, 2010
Just this moment I am back from a 20 minute pity party. Scrutinizing myself in the harsh bathroom light, counting the lines on my forehead, the softness of belly,drooping breasts comparing my "imperfections" against lovelies in my life who are holding up a bit better than their fair skinned friend. Forgetting that their struggles with "imperfections" may not be on the outside but something life has brought them that I have been spared from or journied through already. I litterally was considering to say "screw it all" and call that lovely med-spa Dr. who entices me with his adverts on the way to work each morning. UGH! I am reminded to ebrace myself as I am now and think of the stories and the circumstances that have brought on those lines, those scars those lumps and bumps. You are a treasure Denise.
October 6, 2010
This post is beautiful
October 6, 2010
I love you.
That's why I want to get dreadlocks too – to make myself let go of the panic of perfection! Because it is a panic. "But what if I need to look this way/be this way/act this way to make a certain person like me, and I CAN'T because I have dreadlocks/a nosering/dress a certain way??"
Silly reasoning, no?
October 6, 2010
oh that photo is so yummy in a million ways.
i could melt into a hug right there on your curvy, soft body.
and such a dichotomy this is, right…because in our imperfections, we are perfect.
i'm not a christian, but i always loved this related quote from C.S. Lewis (which really speaks to grief as well):
"We're like blocks of stone, out of which the sculptor carves the forms of humans. The blows of his chisel, which hurt us so much, are what make us perfect."
in all your ripples and crevices and hidden spaces, i see love.
xoxo
October 6, 2010
i like that "to settle into the idea of being imperfect". thinking of it as a big easy chair–one to relax into. so nice ot have landed here tonight–in your little blog.
October 6, 2010
Dear Denise, I love the way to be honest and to speak out loud your worries…that`s so perfect….Mother nature is showing us this every moment….and you are beautiful like you are….no pressure…
you inspired me to make the e-course -30 days of yoga-and if i know something very good, than it is inconsistency-i am a specialist!
but honestly, i managed many things- so there`s a lot of power!!!!!!
You know the word of self fullfilling prophecy-we are what we think-right? sending You and your family a lot of love from germany (Berlin)….We see us…and a nice beginning-what is your commitment?
xxo Ute
October 7, 2010
I absolutely, completely, 100% needed to read this post today. I have been feeling those words for so long, and could never fully explain how i am feeling. It's like you were right inside my head, but were way better at verbalizing these words than I was. Thank you! Thank you so so much
October 7, 2010
Thank you Denise for always being so real. This post is so beautiful. I have been reading your words for awhile now using them as I try to navigate through my own feelings and mommyhood. And thank you for introducing me to 30days of Karma, it is just what I need right now.
October 7, 2010
I love this post and photo. I struggle constantly with the feeling that I need to be better: a better wife, better mom, better looking; all just leading up to an ideal of perfection that is impossible to attain. Someday soon I'm going to have to learn to love my imperfection, but it's definitely a ways up the road for me.
Do you any time frame for when you'll be offering your ecourse? I really want to take it but with Christmas ahead and lots of other ecourses soon to start up I want to make sure I budget for it
. I've promised my hubby I'd only sign up for one eclass at a time, otherwise I'd never get any housework done!
October 7, 2010
dear denise, what a lovely post. i too have been struggling with my physical appearance recently, wishing i could be "perfect" … what ever that is!! perhaps we should ban that word?
your feelings about your dreads echo mine. i've never been able to control my hair. for many years i dealt with the messy by shaving my head. now i'm embracing the messy by being dread, and i love it.
October 7, 2010
I had a moment this morning of complete EMPOWERMENT after thinking about the Perfect Protest. It was a moment where I was ridiculing a piece of art I am working on–a portrait of a friend–a friend who is a very refined artist herself. I started to say that I couldn't possibly honor someone as talented as she with less-than-perfect portrait. I emotionally jolted with an AHA about myself. Why not celebrate the pride of doing an art form I am completely new to? Why not celebrate that I am brave for even opening wide enough to try? To embrace the artistic movement that is happening within me as I grow?
Instead of banishing fear, you show your path BohoGirl–it is exactly filled with integrity always. This truth, as ugly/lovely as it gets, is what I love about this blogspace/what you create.
Thanks for that.
xXOo
Juliana
"Good Juju"
October 7, 2010
You're definitely beautiful just the way you are. Trust.
October 7, 2010
you are beautifully imperfect as you stand in your truth
October 7, 2010
Inspired. Thank you. And that photo is breathtaking!
October 7, 2010
What a soul soaked post. This speaks to my heart right now for I truly am in a tender place as well, with myself, my daughter and several other spots in my life. Thank you Denise as always for being a shining light in my day. Your honesty and emotional sharing makes me feel so fortunate to be surrounded by others who we can feel safe to bare our truths proudly.
Brightest Blessings love.
October 7, 2010
you are so empowering.
i really look up to you.
xoxo.
October 7, 2010
you are so so SO amazing. a continual inspiration to me, and just such a completely true soul. thank you for being here…for being you.
xoxo
lilia
p.s. hope it was ok that I linked to you from my own perfect protest post!!!
October 7, 2010
I jumped on this "perfect protest" bandwagon as soon as I saw it! I love this post, it's so full of tender honesty, and you're so brave to love yourself the way you do.
October 7, 2010
The perfect post for my birthday. Thank you. Perfections is in the imperfection.
October 7, 2010
You are sexy! I saw the photo before I read your post and while I have always thought you were beautiful (inside and out) I looked at this photo and thought, "Wow – she's sexy." It's your imperfections that pull me back to this space again and again.
October 7, 2010
What a beautiful post! I struggle too with embracing imperfection (and inconsistency, like you say!)
Thankyou for the much-needed reminder…
And your self-portrait is stunning! xx
October 7, 2010
i just love your honesty and vulnerability.
"my life journey has made me really honor the parts of my life that feel completely undone"
excellent.
October 7, 2010
YOU–and this post–are absolutely gorgeous!
October 7, 2010
Great photo & wonderful words. I am so in love with this protest & it's lovely to see everyone join in!!!
October 7, 2010
Denise,
I think I know your secret. I think it was that gentle neck kiss and cooking magic in the Tangine that has made you glow.
I have to say when you connect with a significant other and I mean connect at all levels, it makes one feel grounded. I think your husband contributes to this beauty and with that being said — the two of you find the most incredible beauty together.
October 7, 2010
So absolutely gorgeous, it made me gasp.
October 7, 2010
OH MAMA D! can i call you that? i can't tell you how much i needed to read your words today.
after reading your blog along with The Organic Sister and Sara's blog, I decided to get dready. i've wanted to since i was 20, i'm 31 now and it really could not have happened a more wonderful time in my life.
i have struggled for many years trying to fit a mold that my hips were too big for, my soul to free-spirited to settle into and my heart was too big to fit into.
i love being imperfect and having flaws. it's so fun to be different.
why can't you live closer to me! and why, oh, why can't there be a mama java HERE!
October 7, 2010
You and all your wisdom and acceptance make me less anxious of growing up and getting wrinkles and losing the shape of a younger woman. It's not just you giving yourself love today. I'm sending you love, too, in hopes that when I'm more older, I'll have the wisdom you do. Thank you for your inspiring posts.
October 7, 2010
This is totally unrelated.
But can you write about how to get through a breakup? I admire you and your writing so much and I'm hoping that if I read something you wrote it will make my breakup more okay. Maybe I'm grasping as straws but I'm so broken.
October 8, 2010
oh denise. i love this photo! and i love that it takes wise eyes. beautiful eyes. journied eyes to see that chaos can (and most generally is) beautiful. most people would see chaos and give the eff up. not you. you see chaos and then are overwhelmed at its beauty. thanks for reminding us of that!!!
October 8, 2010
So not along…
So beautiful…such a GREAT picture
So honest
that you!
For along time now…with age, I have discovered that it is in our imperfections that we are perfect…in our brokenness we are beautiful
beauty comes from within…we all 'know it'. I think the 'living it' is the challenge
love and light to you Denise, you and your gorgeous self!!!!
October 8, 2010
Greetings Queen. It must be in the air because the last two days have been a crying, breakthrough for me down here in Jamaica too. Pushing through perfection issues daily and embracing the notion that imperfection is perfect in nature.
b. well
October 9, 2010
I needed to read this today-thank you for your openness in writing and sharing with us. I find you beautiful, sexy and an example of the momma that I want to be one day.
October 10, 2010
This is such a wonderful post. I've been going through bouts of self-hate for most of my life (as I'm sure everyone does), and it's so inspiring to read about your journey towards self acceptance.
Thank you for sharing your view with the world. Reading your blog is my remedy for feeling lackluster, ho-hum, or uninspired.
Of course, I also read it when I feel perfectly fine too
October 11, 2010
This is totally off topic but I wanted to wish you and your family a happy thanksgiving. I don't know if you celebrate the Canadian thanksgiving but if so many best wishes.
October 14, 2010
For your journey with food I think you would enjoy Full Moon Feast by Jessica Prentice. About nourishment and our connection to food. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
October 15, 2010
Tks soooo much for this incredible and honest post.
Made my day
Love
Fernanda
October 22, 2010
NOBODY is perfect
my name is NOBODY