Boho Girl

I’ve been so lazy about getting what we call my “big camera” out to take photos of Cedar. I’ve been snapping sometimes hundreds of photos a day of him with my Palm Pre phone and sending them to family and friends. Its easier. Its practical. Its faster.

Although, today I realized how much I miss my big camera. Deeply miss this integral part of who I am. Lately I’ve been more into writing than this other part of my creative spirit. Today, it spilled open when I captured my son. Seeing him through my lens made me realize he is no longer a baby, really…but a boy.

I feel like something cracked open in me.  Now I am beginning to look around me, again…and long to capture the romance that I see…in everything.  I feel more willing to add extra weight to my bag.  Now that my “boy” is more independent, there is more space to hold my other baby.  The big camera baby that I cherish so.

Today, after clicking away, I paused and observed him as a boy and not a baby.  I got a bit weepy.  He noticed something different about mommy’s eyes.  They had water in them.  I said “mommy is crying”…and he went over to the bookshelf and handed me this book.  He’s so connected.

Here are some Cedar-isms that are emerging lately…

• He likes to make ramps out of his books to let his cars loose on.
• He’s really into his Helicopter book.
• When classical music is playing, he closes his eyes and sways his head from side to side.
• He now loves to dramatically move his body on the floor with dance fingers and flips, just like the dancers on SYTYCD.
• He is not cool about daddy snuggling mommy unless he is part.
• When he sees someone new, he hands them the toy in his hand.
• He speaks his own language when flipping pages of a book.  It might be part Japanese.
• He loves to share his food.
• When he is coloring, he wants to make sure all sitting around him has a crayon too.
• He will only drink with a straw.
• When he sips water, he follows it up with “ahhhhh”.
• He thinks he is really funny and laughs at himself all.the.time.
• His favorite things to play with are airplanes, helicopters, balls, automobiles, books, drums, guitars and stuffed animals.
• He’s super clumsy because his feet and toes are HUGE.

i am a tree lovin’ nerd

My friend Stacy and I sent one another a few VERY raw videos today. Raw meaning, just woken up, no make-up, scratching our head, interruptions from our kid, accidentally spitting on the screen while talking, showing one another our body bits that we oh so want to send love to right now and just keeping it real. It was so healing and it inspired me to finally download Skype so that I could connect with my lovelies more often this way. Been feeling a bit isolated lately and in chattering away to the laptop camera, changing subjects every few moments, just SO excited to be SHARING with her, I realized I feel a bit lonely for this connection.

Many of you have asked me where I am at with eating Vegan or flirting with the Kind Diet. I haven’t yet been able to put it all into words because I am still in it, feeling it out, petting its hills and valleys, making love to new flavors and being kind to myself in the process. Re-learning a new way of taking it day by day. Not being so extreme. Creating a balance around my choices and allowing it to be a process, a journey and not so much a diet depriving myself of something I crave or need.

So, since I feel unable to be clear about it with all of you right now, I wanted to direct you over to Stacy’s post. She expressed it all so much better than I ever could. I feel as though my heart is so in harmony with where hers is in all of this. She was the one who inspired me to get the Kind Diet book in the first place and encouraged me to try this approach because her and I are all about kindness and gentleness.

She and I always seem to be walking side by side when it comes to food.  We even took a Raw cooking class together in Los Angeles.  Tried the Blood Type Diet together and oh so many others.  But this time this way of eating feels different for us.  Not like something we’re trying but something we’re living and breathing and it sort of feels in a way how we felt when our babies finally came into our lives…like, “there you are!”.  It just makes sense.  Okay, so maybe not as intense as when our babies came but you know what I mean.  It just feels so aligned with our approach to love and connection.

So, how is my Vegan journey going?  Ummm…what SHE said.

; )

Bonus Cedar photo :: I think he knows he is cute.

My husband took these tonight with his phone (man our new phones have crappy image quality). We were all snuggled up, eating raw, vegan lemon cheesecake (by Earth Cafe) and watching Dual Survival on Discovery. LOVE that show. Just discovered it. A hippie and a military dude both experts in survival (one very earthy, the other not so much) showing us how to survive in extreme settings.  I feel like such a dude watching it.

And then I see these photos.  I totally forgot to take off my apron after I made dinner.

Not really a dude…but totally a 50′s domestic wifey. ; )

It’s been so hot here lately…and my body doesn’t respond well to extreme heat. But this morning is overcast and misty, with a cool breeze through the window. So, I sit here, breathing it all in…sweater over my pj’s, hot steamy cup of yerba mate in hand. Centering myself for the day.

Its been a slightly intense week here for me, hence the quiet. Both Cedar and I caught the stomach flu on top of him about to cut two or three teeth (molars and pointies, not fun) and he’s growing so fast that I can tell his legs ache and to top it off, he’s had a few injuries. Then there is me, full or hormones as my cycle is about to begin and with all of this swirling around me, still wanting to connect with my intuition about how to love Cedar best and guide him towards kindness of self and others. This probably would have been any other week around here. Just life with a toddler. I just think being ill threw us off.

I have some deadlines for my website designer and no time to work on it. Boho Boy is putting so much of his energy in trying to build his database business so that we can move sooner rather than later to a place that we belong and where Cedar can connect deeper to nature. He is putting more hours in than usual. So, he called me this week, telling me he talked to our neighbor, who is a teacher at his school and one of the kindest women I have ever met. She wants to help me next week…to babysit Cedar a few hours a day so I can go to the cafe and get my work done. I completely feel safe with her. Her and her sister (who is a nurse and also our neighbor…score!) have both watched Cedar when he was an infant so that Boho Boy and I could go out on a date. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this myself. I love my husband for thinking of it for me.

I was chatting with a dear friend the other day. I admire how she nurtures her children and she has been a mother a lot longer than me. Because her and I are so much a like, I go to her often, among others in my life. During our chat, I felt like she gave me permission to admit that this age Cedar is at is hard (15 months – 21 months) and that at times, sanity can feel pretty wobbly. I cried when she said this because it is my truth. Its so many beautiful things but what makes it hard for me is that he cannot fully communicate to me what his needs are and I cannot fully communicate to him what mine are. We communicate in other ways but you know what I mean. I can tell his brain is ahead of his bod and his desires and he often gets frustrated that he cannot do or say what he wants to. For someone like me, who tends to be a fixer (like my husband) and a peace-maker, it goes against my nature to not be able to solve these things for Cedar. Because of this, it is a constant lesson and a practice in letting go and loving. I know each stages of our children’s lives bring these lessons and there will be a constant exercise in releasing rather than resisting.  We are being gentle with the process.

So, I welcome this time next week…to reconnect with my creative side and replenish so that I can be more present and patient.

I have a dread post coming up! I am just waiting to get some current photos of my hair down to share with you to go along with my words. My hair is always up right now and that is because I live with a toddler and if I wore it down, my locks would be full of food and snot and poo. ; )

So many of you asked about my dread journey and you’re right…I haven’t talked about it in a long while. Its time my locks get some attention and energy!

Affirmation for this weekend:  I am enough.  Cedar is enough.  Boho Boy is enough.  YOU are enough.  

Blessings for your weekend.  Om shanti.

Love,
Boho

ps. thank you all for contributing your thoughts on my parenting style post. i am learning so much from all of you and those things that make my heart sing are what i am going to marinate on for my own journey.

This really moved me today…I found it through a friend.

Deep breaths.
Patience.
Connecting.
Time…a lot of time.
Opening perspective.
Communication.
Recognizing needs…theirs and yours.
Exploring hearts.

Connecting, connecting, connecting to our children.

just started saying hello…

His current words are:   Uh oh. Hello. Mumum. Dadadada.