Boho Girl

Boho Boy grew up with a tradition in his house. Him and his brother would be woken up the morning of their birthdays with a cake and candles and a birthday song sung by his mom and dad. They would make a wish, blow out the candles and then run downstairs to open a few gifts before breakfast.

So, we decided to continue the tradition on Cedar’s first birthday. Although, rather than in the morning, we would do it after his morning nap so that he could play with the cupcake. What ended up happening was pretty comical…but I had a feeling it would happen. Lately he’s been very tender when he first wakes. He prefers whispers and to be held and rocked until the sleepy in his eyes melt and he becomes more conscious of the world around him. So, I told everyone to tip toe into the room and whisper the song. Me, Boho Boy and Omi did our best being gentle but he sat up in his crib, looking completely traumatized by the candle burning and us singing and he burst into tears. Poor dude. So mommy scooped him up and told everyone to stop singing and we just let him wake up as he was used to.

But as soon as he woke up and finished half of his bottle and flashed his adorable teeny tooth smile, it was time.

I captured it above. He had way more fun painting with the cupcake and flinging it in the air than eating it, of course.

I wanted to share this first with all of you. I also wanted to share how he and Boho Daddy always do Eskimo kisses. ; )

I am loving the idea of creating traditions for our wee family. I can remember growing up how our family traditions held so much security for me. Sometimes it was the calm in the storm. Some traditions we will carry on from our own families and some we will create all on our own (like the birthday fort). My dream is that Cedar can always count on these moments to be that safe space when he needs it.

I would love to hear some of your family traditions.

elizabeth maccrellish, canon 50d

I know this is a time to be grateful but I also know that for some of you, that might be a really hard thing to do right now. I know that when I am in the muckiest of mucks, it does somehow help…somehow…to find something I am grateful for. I write it down. Or I speak it out loud. Or I call a friend to help me find it. Then it surprises me how it shifts things. Even if just a little bit.

So for those of you that are in a beautiful place right now and for those of you that are in a hard place right now, I would love to be a space where you can spill what you’re grateful for. Even if its just one thing. Even if that one thing is that your like how your pinkie toe is shaped.

Happy Thanksgiving to each and every one of you. The community that has been found at this blog is something I am abundantly grateful for. You have shifted my heart so miraculously.

What are you grateful for?

Love,
Boho girl

the boho boys, {click to enlarge}

I had to share this photo that I took at the end of the night last night with my phone. Cedar wanted to spend every waking moment in his bday fort…even the last few moments before his eyes got heavy for sleep. Precious precious.

I also wanted to share a few links:

You can find me over at Creative Therapy here.

Beautiful Lisa over at Doorways Traveler wrote about our moving photo session together here. Her intellectual mind, her warm and huge heart and her brave travels are so very inspiring to me.

One year ago today, Boho Boy and I left our home and never returned the same. We journeyed to Portland, Oregon and rushed to our birth parent’s house to find K having contractions, knowing… this. was. it. We scooped her up and together, the four of us helped Cedar into the world. The minute we saw his face, we knew it was him…the one we had been waiting for. The one that kept us pressing on through all the hard stuff…because we knew at the end of the road would be a person so special, so unique, so beautiful and warm. We felt him throughout it all…and there he was, in our arms, snuggling against our skin.

We were just talking this morning about how this feels like just yesterday, yet…it also feels as though Cedar was always in our life. How it feels like forever ago because its difficult to imagine his spirit not near.

We also talked about K & T and how this is their story too and when I called to leave a message on her phone today, my tears were brimming and my voice trembling because that day felt so clear in my mind. Oh how selfless K & T were when they celebrated with us regardless of their pain. How when K pushed Cedar out and the doctors took him away to examine his lungs, she said…“go to your son…he wants his mommy.” I looked at her in awe, uncertain if this was my place and her kind eyes told me it was. It was then when it hit me…as I walked into the room full of doctors and nurses hovering, with my husband’s arm around me and then they parted so we could see him…and there he was…my son. Our son.

This year has been extraordinary. It feels as though my heart has expanded wider than I could have ever imagined. I feel taller and stronger and more centered, yet I also feel peeled and frayed and undone. I knew I would love my child deep but I never could have imagined what else came with that love; a pure and special bond, a relationship that fills me up, a companionship that shifts my soul to a softer place with him and all those that surround me. Cedar is my teacher, he is our teacher.

Today we built him a fort while he was taking his morning nap. It is a tradition that begins with his first birthday. Each year we will build one on his special day. When he is old enough to help us, we will let him choose what he wants in and around it; colors, themes, lights…it will be his magical place. His realm of imagination.

When he woke up and we sat him inside his fortress, its like he knew what it all meant. He raised his arms up and out and longingly signaled for us to join him. This pillowy, color soaked, soft and cushy, musical, dreamy place is exactly what it feels like to be a family. It felt like our womb, our sanctuary…our happy place.

We just love him so. We love how others love him. We love how his presence has changed our lives and the lives of my family. We love that he’s here…finally. We love how he came into this world and into our lives.

We love that he’s one.

{cedar’s outfit by adatine}

as promised…here is the awesome book that came to my door while recording this vlog. written by kate inglis, a new and dear friend of mine.

necklace i am wearing was custom designed for me by mati rose and kristen townsend at mood swing studio (mati’s gorgeous art inside pendant).

thea on our dock at squam, 2009, canon 50d

dearies,
for those of you that haven’t met her or been to her site yet, i wanted to introduce you to one of my besties, thea coughlin. i met thea years ago via blog land and together we traveled our fertility journeys, side by side. we went through so much together at super speed and now i can’t remember a time when she wasn’t in my life.

today she posted her very first vlog and when she wrote to tell me, expressed her bundle of nerves over it all. i SO get this! it takes time to feel comfy in your skin while looking at the camera, knowing hundreds, if not thousands will eventually watch it. i am just now finally getting really comfy with the idea and my imagination takes me to a place of cozying up on my couch with all of you near, simply just having a chat.

so, if you at all feel inspired, do leave her some soul droplets so that she can gather up her bravery to share more with us. she is SUCH a pleasure to watch and has so much wisdom to share.

she has taught me so much in my life and many times, picked me up out of darkness and helped me rediscover my voice, my passions, my “self” again. i love you, girl…toe to toe.

thea’s vlog.