- Saturday, January 31, 2009
- Posted in Uncategorized
cedar singing, canon 50d
you had me at hello.
cedar singing, canon 50d
you had me at hello.
I’m feeling really romantic inside these days. Perhaps the fact that I am getting more sleep per night has opened up those reserves which hold parts of me that get lost in love, romance and intimacy.
My parents are here to visit (stories to come) and the other night we were all cuddled up watching a film together. In the dimly lit room, I looked over to my left and snuggled up next to me was boho boy and baby. I watched the two of my boys interact and how Boho Boy lovingly looked into our son’s eyes. I felt a surge of absolute giddy romantic love for my husband. How beautiful he was to me. How perfect he was for me. How long we had waited to create a family together and to share our love with another little human being. And here it all was snuggled near me. I gently grabbed his face and said “I love you” and he said “I love you too” and the kiss we shared was pretty steamy (I am sure my parents pretended not to see).
You know, you rarely imagine yourself in a romantic steamy kiss with your husband when your baby is around but it was actually such a sweet, tender moment. I looked down at Cedar and he was wide eyed and smiley and blissed out. I felt that he fully got how important that moment was for me. How crucial it is for me to remain connected to that romantic girl wishing for romantic moments with her husband. I’ve felt disconnected from that part of me lately but it is resurfacing and the fact that we have a child brings it to another level that we can explore together.
I so love my boys. I love the way they look at me. I love how it’s all in their eyes.
I’d also love to hear how you all brought romance back into your lives post baby… ; )
karen maezen miller & cedar, canon 50d
My dear friend Maezen asked a while ago if I needed help because she wanted to come take care of me. She knows so intimately what new mothers experience. She wrote a book about hers. She’s the one that has helped so many of us try to release all of our expectations and to be more gentle with ourselves. “Do you have food in your fridge?”, she asked. “Can I help clean before your parents come?”
I cried when she asked. I cried because I knew I desperately wanted the help but also had my darn pride. I was afraid for her to see me in my pajamas with baby spit up all over me and my dishevelled hair and my less than perfectly clean house. I responded, telling her that I would just love her company and that she didn’t need to do all those things for me. She was so patient with me. She knew and understood this pride…and it is the very reason why she wanted to offer her hand. She was there before and remembered she didn’t always accept the help either. So, she gently offered me another option…a compromise, so to speak.
“I’ll make you soup.”
And that she did. She floated in the door with grocery bags full of the ingredients for her delicious Italian Wedding Soup. She hugged us, she got to work, she chopped and fried and filled up a pot while telling me stories with her peaceful, whispery voice. I sat on my couch, holding my babe, totally enveloped and awed at her grace and selflessness. I listened. I smelled the spices. I closed my eyes and surrendered and allowed someone to help me. I allowed the idea that at times, I will need help and that is okay. Accepting help feels good. Accepting help is community strengthened. Accepting help is feeling part of a sisterhood/brotherhood.
She walked out of our door having filled up and nourished our bellies, having listened and shared and reassured that all babies are different and there is no “one way” to do things. She didn’t offer philosophies or advice but only loved and nurtured and guided us in a direction of trusting our intuition. She didn’t offer solutions because in her mind, there are no problems.
Cedar was mesmerized by her. One of my favorite parts of our day together was when she was feeding him and talking with him and he stared up and into her eyes so intently. It was almost as if he was saying “I know, Maezen…I know.” Such a Zen moment.
I am beyond grateful that because of our long fertility journey, I have connected with such extraordinary human beings and now that our sweet miracle is in our life, he too is blessed and nurtured by these connections.
And now I still enjoy the remnants of the day when I heat up her soup. I stir what is in my bowl and I remember the wisdom and love from that day and know that someday, someday, I will get the opportunity to give back and make soup for a friend in need.
jen and cedar, canon 50d (click to englarge)
Dear Fairy Godmother ~
I was told in the land of spirit babies, long before I came into the world that I was going to receive a very rare and special gift when I came into my parents life.
That gift was a Fairy Godmother.
There was much talk up there about Fairy Godmothers and how magical they were but none of my spirit friends knew exactly what they looked like. We all imagined they may resemble what many of the stories here describe; Tiny, chubby, flying around with wings and magic wands and perhaps a little older like a Grandma. I tried not to be bummed about the idea of a tiny old lady flying around me all the time telling me what to do. I wanted to be a good sport and appreciate that I even have a Fairy G at all, you know? It’s just that…I’m kind of a funky dude and I have a reputation to uphold and what would all my friends think if I hung out with an old lady all day?
I have been here for two months and have been waiting your arrival…not knowing how or when you’d come. Then I saw you for the first time last week walking up the stairs to the loft where I pretended to be sleeping. I peeked through my tiny chubby fingers that were over my eyes and what I saw totally blew me away. So much so, that I had a huge poopie diaper right then and there.
You were gorgeous. Not only gorgeous but super funky and cool. You were tall and modelesque and wore funky hip clothes and jewels. Your eyes filled with tears when you first saw me and then my heart totally came undone. It was love at first sight. My totally beautiful, fun, funny, smart, witty, crazy about me Fairy G was in the house!! I couldn’t WAIT to tell my spirit friends in my dream how wrong we all were!!
And that I did. That night, when you told my parents to go to bed so that you could hang out with me all alone, get to know me and bond, I went right to sleep on your chest so that I could meet all my spirit pals in dreamland and brag about how awesome you were. You saw me laughing in my sleep, remember? That was because all of them told me how hot you were. No kidding, man…I’m now the talk of spirit baby land. I’m a rockstar there. Now they all want one!
I miss you already. I miss your smell. I miss your laugh and how you brought so much joy and sunshine into our home. I miss you telling me how adorable I am. I mean, I can’t hear that enough. So, don’t stop, k?
I loved how I saw a side of my mommy that I hadn’t seen yet. Its been just her and me here at home while daddy is at work during the day. I saw how good it was for her to spend time with other people that are much like her. I guess I will start sharing her now because since you’ve been here, she seems even more filled up.
I know you’re in my life for a reason. I know we have a destiny. I know my mommy, daddy and you felt that before I was born. I know I’ll learn so much from you and that if anyone hurts me, you’ll kick their bootie. I know that there are many videos to be made and songs to be sung and dances to dance together. I know there will be inside jokes and dress ups and wigs and paint. Something tells me that you’ll be one of my very best friends. Well, you already are.
Perhaps next time you’ll show me those wings you were hiding.
Not only am I the envy of all the dudes in babyland above….but I will be the envy of all the dudes in my schools growing up here. Cuz I’ve got a hot blond for a Fairy G.
Seriously. You rock the worlds of the Boho Fam.
We love you around these parts.
set of ten 4 x 5 postcards sold at my shop
I’m so thrilled to begin my new journey with a new space and new and exciting pretties in my shop. For months now I have craved change for my blog both aesthetically and an expression of me that resonates more with who I am today. It has been ages since I have closed my jewelry shop “bohemian girl designs” and widened the path for my photography business “Boho Photography”. I thought it was fitting for my blog now to reflect that name, that image, that feel and all the fresh new stuff in my life.
My previous blog will always be there for new readers to refer back to. You can find your way back by clicking the Vintage Chronicles button on my left sidebar.
It feels so wonderful to stretch my limbs and leap into the new year with skin that is shedding and renewing itself. These adventures will be about my new direction as a portrait photographer for artists, as well as experimenting with more fine art photography (new prints in my shop coming soon!).
My writings will be about my growing relationship with our sweet son, spilling my very honest and raw emotions that surround this very new path of parenthood. I will share the myriad of emotions that can surface in regards to adoption and the lingering thoughts and feelings that continue to surface from trekking a long road of fertility challenges.
The end of last year, I was approached by a publisher, whom I deeply admire, to write a book about my journey. I hope to share some of those peaks and valleys of the writing process with you. This will be my very first try at doing something so brave and yet frightening and I can imagine I’ll need to let it all out here in this comfy space where I speak my truth.
With all that said, I wanted to start it all off with offering you new postcards in my shop. So many people have written me about wanting my prints but needing to save money, so I wanted to offer a less expensive option of everyone’s favorites.
The set is a package of ten 4 x 5 postcards (2 each of the five different prints shown above) for $15 that you can mail to your friends with sweet love notes OR frame for your lovely home.
Just a little package o’ boho from me to you.